“The Governess,” by Metric and a Move Update

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Music, Whining

On my favorites list since it was released, The Governess by Metric has a video that brings a lot of interesting visuals.

The beautiful desolation and desert backdrop is particularly timely.

The lyrics at the beginning of the song remind me of a scene from my favorite play, Cyrano de Bergerac, when he concocts an absurd tale to cover his true intentions of distraction and delay. If you haven’t read it, you should. All you need to know about love and honor and romance are right there.

Move update: we have picked our home and are waiting out the home mortgage process. If all goes well, we’ll get to move in on our youngest son’s birthday. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!?! #BlissingOut

Lyrics by http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/metric/thegoverness.html

 

The Governess by Metric

Who did you say you were?
I didn’t catch your name
Falling down to earth
Down from a higher plane

Oh, it’s been decades
Say, what did you see?
Oh, I’ve been so lonely
Won’t you keep me company?

Do you remember me?
We met out on the farm
By the fire, you spoke to me
And held me in your arms

The songs you played for me
I long to understand
All along the watchtower
And castles made of sand

When there was a wilderness, we wandered wild and free
Guilt, she is the governess that guides me back to grief
What if we were dumb enough to spend eternity
Gathering the garbage washed up on the beach?

Do you remember me?
We spoke by telephone
The bad connection had a meaning of its own.

Of all the good and all the stupid shit I’ve done
The worst was all for me
Not hurting anyone

When there was a wilderness, I wandered wild and free
Guilt, she is the governess that guides me back to grief
Wish that I was old enough to end the century
Gather all the garbage washed up on the beach

 

Nothing but Time by Metric, Video w/ Lyrics & Thirst Day Prep

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Family, Movies, Music, Too Long For Twitter

EDITED with proper linkage. This is why I don’t get paid, folks. *deep curtsy*

My current earworm, hide the ad pop up for the lyrics, or scroll down and read them. (I know I share a lot of Metric songs, but I made sure, none have repeated. I don’t think ūüėČ

And I’m speechless to say that my life is a damned embarrassment of riches, some days.
It’s so very humbling.
Thanks to all that keep my/our lives/life on the bright side.
Share love and life into the circle of love that surrounds you, and by Glob’s calculator, they will surround you, too.
It’s a big world, and I’m grateful that I was taught¬†not to limit it, superficially (race, religion, gender identity, hair cut, boxers vs briefs).
My whole life, I’ve loved the idea of the melting pot, all of us coming together. But that’s not the reality.
I had to learn myself to limit the artificial, because it inevitably hides the darkest of depths that will cause harm to me and mine now that I’ve got a “delicate disposition” (GLOBDAMMIT.)
 
My heart aches for those lost from this existence, but they’ve made their mark on me, strengthening my empathy, teaching me that I’m worth loving and not to waste time on negativity. Love is all you need.

I’m currently focused on a project we are involved in thanks to our dear old PG. So many things I’m grateful to him for, but the Durham family is high on the list.

If you want info on the project, there’s this party tomorrow night, in Greenbelt, Md.No charge and you get to see James’ new indie short film, “Thirst.” Clicky linky for info on the Facebook Event page and pix that various folks on the cast and crew have been taking, including pix taken by me. It’s amped up my desire for my photo project in time for Balticon, but who knows? I’m still trying to get the anthology done.

#HowDidWeNeverSeeMetricTogether #SweetSixteen #SilverLinings #BecausePGH
 Anyways, the lyrics from AZ lyrics, as usual.

“Nothing But Time”

Steal once
Pay twiceAdvice to heed
I won’t
I mightAdvice to heed
Steal once
Pay twice

Advice to heed
I won’t
I might

Advice to heed
Steal once
Pay twice

Advice to heed
I won’t
I might

Advice to heed
Steal once
Pay twice

Advice to heed
I won’t
I might

(Advice to heed)

You always said that love was not enough
Always on the move

(Advice to heed)

And even though we long to shut it up
We could never choose

(Advice to heed)

Now we know there’s nothing awaiting us
Better than the truth

(Advice to heed)

I wanted to be part of something
I got nothing but time
So the future is mine

(Advice to heed)

I wanted to be part of something
I got nothing but time
So the future is mine

(Advice to heed)

I wanted to be part of something
I got nothing but time
So the future is mine

Modern Love by David Bowie, Video & Lyrics

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Hauntings, Music, Whining

 

Chooch’s shuffle-fu today has been fierce. We’re working on stuff and planning on stuff and waiting on stuff, and this song came on and stopped me cold.
It’s not my favorite era of David Bowie’s, and I didn’t even know I knew all of the lyrics until I found myself shout-singing along. And crying.

Somehow I thought he’d always be there to shake things up and¬†break himself (and those of us along for the ride) out of whatever category¬†people have relegated him (us) to, every decade or so.

I have not opened his final album¬†yet. Too soon. I am still only encountering “Bowie in the wild,” via library shuffle or radio or movies. (Dear Gods I never realized how many movies used his music.)

For many reasons, it hit me really hard –I’m still in denial that our Ziggy Stardust is gone; personal stuff and goings on; and, did I mention I’m in denial that he’s gone?

#ButINeverWaveByeBye

David Bowie
Modern Love
Lyrics from AZLyrics

I know when to go out
And when to stay in
Get things done [spoken]

I catch a paper boy
But things don’t really change
I’m standing in the wind
But I never wave bye-bye

But I try
I try

There’s no sign of life
It’s just the power to charm
I’m lying in the rain
But I never wave bye-bye

But I try
I try

Never gonna fall for
Modern Love
Walks beside me
Modern Love
Walks on by
Modern Love
Gets me to the Church on Time

Church on Time
Terrifies me
Church on Time
Makes me party
Church on Time
Puts my trust in God and Man
God and Man
No confessions
God and Man
No religion
God and Man
Don’t believe
in Modern Love

Today, A Puscifist

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: /rant/, Music, No Whining, Whining

Cradle to grave, every day of my life I’m a pacifist. But today I’m a Puscifist, thanks to Chooch sharing a new fave song.

I keep things on the bright side and assume the best of people I meet, regardless of their reputation. It often results in great times and greater friendships. But I’m also often mistaking people wanting something from me as being the beginning, or continuation, of a true friendship. I won’t let clown shoes¬†change my attitude, zero bad apples will change my hope in humanity.

But today, I less than three Puscifer soooo hard for again making sense of my confusion (and hurt and misrepresentations of me and others, resulting in feelings of shame and guilt) and giving it a voice.

I have such a hard time giving up on people, no matter how shitty they treat me or lie or use passive aggression like a weapon, knowing that it cuts me deeper than most because of my neurological challenges.
Once in my heart, always in my heart, sadly.
But I’m working on it since it’s plain stupid and is¬†keeping me depleted and unable to explore beneficial possibilities.

At the very least, I’m “untethering” from the ones that are detrimental¬†to my health/stress.

So, things to remember with me…
…just because the lies or harsh words aren’t knives or bullets, they still¬†cut deeply and/or can¬†bleed for a long time;
…just because you didn’t say it to my face, it doesn’t mean I¬†don’t know;
…just because I’ve kept your secrets so far, know that¬†your treatment of me and mine can¬†change that;
…just because I’ve taken the high road, it doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten how different our morals are;
…just because I stood by you in dark times, it doesn’t mean I will tolerate childish punishments for being a reminder of those same times;
…just because I’m above smacking your face, don’t mistake me for being weak.
#BeyondPainCranky #PainStabby #NotToday

NSFW

PUSCIFER
“The Remedy”
Lyrics at AZLyrics.com

Peace.

Gold Guns Girls by Metric

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Music

Lyrics from A-Z Lyrics

“Gold Guns Girls”

All the gold and the guns in the world
(couldn’t get you off)
All the gold and the guns and the girls
(couldn’t get you off)
All the boys, All the choices in the world

I remember when we were gambling to win
Everybody else said better luck next time
I don’t wanna bend, Let the bad girls bend
I just wanna be your friend
Is it ever gonna be enough

Is it ever gonna be enough
Is it ever gonna be enough
Is it ever gonna be enough

Is it ever gonna be enough
Is it ever gonna be enough
Is it ever gonna be enough

All the lace and the skin in the shop
(couldn’t get you off)
All the toys and the tools in the box
(couldn’t get you off)
All the noise, all the voices never stop

I remember when we were gambling to win
Everybody else said better luck next time
I don’t wanna bend, Let the bad girls bend
I just wanna be your friend
Why you givin’ me a hard time
I remember when we were gambling to win
Everybody else said HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Is it ever gonna be enough
Is it ever gonna be enough
Is it ever gonna be enough

Is it ever gonna be enough
Is it ever gonna be enough
Is it ever gonna be enough

More and more, more and more, more and more,
More and more and more and more, more and more,

  For those moments when you realize all the sacrifices of time/effort/self-growth are just a drop in an ocean of need, and are appreciated as such. Your catharsis may vary.

3 Year Old Girl Dancing to Sia’s Song, “Chandelier”

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Health, Music, No Whining, Soulful

I think it’s safe to say I’m at least mildly obsessed with this song and have a sisterly crush on the artist herself, at this point. I’ve already posted once about this song, have another half written in my head, but since I just came across this¬†YouTube vid, tweeted from @Sia’s verified twitter account, I had to stop and share¬†immediately. It now has me wanting to play Sia’s video for our Wee Flowers (housemate Jen’s daughters, nearly ages 7¬†and 5), since they love to dance so much.

It would be bittersweet, because of their skill and epic cuteness and the downer reason that is the reason ¬†I relate to the lyrics so much. Coming from the aspect of being broken physically to the point that physical or even emotional stress can trigger the worst of my Health Blahs’ symptoms, as I explained previously, the efforts I have to take to go out and about in public can be pretty Herculean. That means, when I am able to get out and am having fun, I typically resort to any means necessary to stay in motion and keep on making memories.

And, no, it’s not about the alcohol, other than as a metaphor (and because I used to be able to drink socially before recent medications) for¬†the assumption people make about me and how I always have to be altered by medication to get out of isolation and to where people are. It’s not like or want, it’s need and must. I¬†am no alcoholic, never have been. I used to drink socially, and now if¬†I have more than one¬†or two drinks, I risk immediate migraines and life-threatening liver damage, because of the work my liver has to already do for all the meds. Not looking to die quite yet.

Enjoy the cuteness! I completely adore the singer, more on why I relate so much later, but it totally plays to my desire to live vicariously through those that can do the things I wish I could do.

To view the original music video, you can view it here. It’s what the 3 yo is dancing to.

Such Great Heights by Iron & Wine

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Family, Friends, Music

A song I’ve loved for years, from the Garden State movie soundtrack. The movie and entire album is fantastic to my eyeballs and earholes, and is a shared love with our oldest 2 sons, which brings extra richness to it.

On a recent shuffle through my songs, it played and the lyrics hit my sweet spot and now I must share it.

Listen along, if you like, as you read the lyrics. Link to song (no vid) on YouTube:

“Such Great Heights”
Iron & Wine
Lyrics from A-Z Lyrics

I am thinking it’s a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and when we kiss
They’re perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us
Into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true it may seem like a stretch
But it’s thoughts like this that catch
My troubled head when you’re away
When I am missing you to death

When you are out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
Come down now, they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
Come down now but we’ll stay

I’ve tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
It sounded thin upon listening

And that frankly will not fly
You’ll hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
Come down now, they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
Come down now but we’ll stay

Sia’s Chandelier, Because “Tomorrow” is Recovery Day

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Health, Mental, Music, No Whining, Soulful, Too Long For Twitter

 

Chandelier by Sia

Just saw this video and was drawn out of hunting airline bargains for T’s summer visit and tha socialz from Balticon 48. The song grabbed me and then the video compelled me to rewatch from the beginning, and WOW does it resonate with me! Only after the second viewing, with tears running down my eyes, did I realize I should read the lyrics because I was clearly having a visceral reaction, so I decided to find them and when it resonated further, I chose to steal¬†a selfish¬†moment for this post.

The next thought, thanks to my “distortion filter” (per T-Pain, my nickname for my therapist)? What if I had continued in dance instead of wussing out when the toe shoes came out? Maybe staying in motion would have prevented at least SOME of my health issues. Did I cause or worsen my current and chronic pain conditions? Or did I prevent an earlier onset? Was I too undisciplined for too long? Luckily, since I’ll likely never know the answer, I’m letting the blame and guilt go on that since I can’t go back in time to fix it.

I feel a physical yearning,¬†a hardly irrepressible urge to leap up and start dancing (I was sort of a¬†dancer in my younger days.). I have to immediately squelch it because of¬†Health Blahs. It resonated so deeply that I’m sharing both the original video, the artist’s lyric video and the lyrics, in case you don’t want the data hit to watch the videos.

Note that I specifically interpret “tomorrow” as¬†what I call The Reckoning, or recovery day(s) I’m “prescribed” to take after stressful periods. Good stress or bad stress, emotional or physical, it doesn’t matter the type of stress or stressor, they all¬†deplete my body to the point I can’t control it. Adrenaline and cabin-fever-driven needs to spend time in the sunshine (or moonlight) with friends and/or family are my favorite of all the stressors.

“Chandelier”
by Sia

Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down
I’m the one “for a good time call”
Phone’s blowin’ up, ringin’ my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw ’em back, till I lose countI’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelierAnd I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink

Throw ’em back till I lose count

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

And I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Oh I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Oh I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight

 

And NO. I’m not relating “drink” to¬†alcohol. I’m referring to all the tricks I use and the “mask” I try so hard to use to hide it when the pain gets overwhelming because it’s such a downer for those around me. ¬†Besides, I have to take heavy medication to be able to leave the house/hotel room at all, and it makes me feel just as wasted as anything. It’s just without the pesky side effect of triggering my death by adding alcohol to prescription medications. You know it’s serious when I repeatedly turn down anything but a sip from Alchemist Extraordinaire, John Taylor Williams, aka @wryneckstudio on Twitter.

Instead of “drinks” or alcohol, I’m actually referring to fun, friends, love,¬†giggles¬†and adrenaline,¬†and what I choose to sacrifice with a “rally hour (or 2)” for less resting and more socializing or for actually being coherent for the Beyond the Wall Live! show at Balticon and actually remembering the experience this year through a better balance with my medication and minimal alcohol, if any.

(Tip: Carry a full drink with you to prevent friends from surprise-buying you old faves. It seems to only occur to people when you have an empty glass! I have such generous friends that this is actually a problem!)

Miss you already, Balticonners, and all the chandeliers to swing from. <3

Chandelier by Sia
(Video with lyrics)

Breathing Underwater by Metric

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Cool Links / Clicky Linky, Hauntings, Music

Another soul-touching song from Metric with the links and lyrics for their song, “Breathing Underwater.” ¬†This specific song is one of the reasons I fell so hard for Metric years ago when we first started seeking their other tunes. It speaks to me and brings me great peace and sanity. ‘Nuff said, other than I’m adding the Amazon link to allow for listening and possible purchase.

Hear and/or Buy it at Amazon

See the official Metric video, live footage

Lyrics
(from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/metric/breathingunderwater.html)

“Breathing Underwater”
by Metric 

I’m the blade
You’re the knife
I’m the weight
You’re the kite
They were right when they said
We were breathing underwater
Out of place all the time
In a world that wasn’t mine to takeI’ll wait
Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?
Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?I’m the blade
You’re the knife
I’m the weight
You’re the kite
They were right when they said we should never meet our heroes
When they bowed at their feet, in the end it wasn’t me

Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?
Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?

Nights are days
We’ll beat a path through the mirrored maze
I can see the end
But it hasn’t happened yet
I can see the end
But it hasn’t happened yet

Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?
Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?

Am I breathing underwater? [x2]

(Writer(s): Emily Haines, James Shaw

Copyright: Chrysalis Music Ltd.)


Help, I’m Alive by Metric

Author: Vivid Muse  //  Category: Music, Too Long For Twitter, Whining

Diving in to their discography, I’ve found the lyrics and energy of the band Metric exceedingly cathartic. Just now, while I was stuck in my head again on a sadness (a while back), I started playing on shuffle again, and because I’m crazy as a loon, I haphazardly decided that whatever song they played, I would take it in and seek catharsis on it through their lyrics. View it through Emily’s lens, so to speak, since she has so often said what I needed to hear. Here’s what they served me up with:

“Help, I’m Alive”

I tremble
They’re gonna eat me alive
If I stumble
They’re gonna eat me alive
Can you hear my heart
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

Help I’m alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train
Help I’m alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

If we’re still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn’t I do?
I get wherever I’m going
I get whatever I need
While my blood’s still flowing
And my heart’s still
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

Help I’m alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train
Help I’m alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

If we’re still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn’t I do?
I get wherever I’m going
I get whatever I need
While my blood’s still flowing
And my heart’s still
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

Help I’m alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer

(Lyrics provided by www.azlyrics.com)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Resulting Mood:¬†Being zinged by loved ones is something I was raised on. I’ll survive this. In fact, I called its certainty ages ago and have been upgrading my emotional armor. I just thought dark times had passed and that the sun was starting to peek out of the clouds. Silly optimist is silly.
Silver lining:¬†No more energy/love wasted where it’s not appreciated. And yes, I know I’m nothing special. Just your average everyday human that is happy to know where she stands with people.¬†
Lesson re-learned:¬†I simply must listen to my instincts, they rarely steer me wrong, in hindsight. Stop being afraid to reveal my super embarrassing non-traditional geeky side. Those that reject don’t get to laugh over it with me. Always give a second-chance (or third, or twentieth), so long as it’s DESERVED.