Vivid Musings

Unverified Tweet from Robin Williams that is circulating on Facebook.

Let’s be clear, the Kardashian empire has not directly made a dime off of me. I have none of their celebrity endorsed products, nor do I seek out their shows. I have frequently questioned the impact of their behavior of girls and young women, and that of others on the covers of the same magazines.

And now, dammit, I have to speak out for one of them. Thanks a hell of a lot, Robin Williams.

Note: I haven’t verified that this image being circulated on Facebook is accurate. I am happy to volunteer the possibility that it could have been photoshopped. I’d rather write this explanation than go to his Twitter account and verify it, simply because it doesn’t matter if he did or if he didn’t.

Some ass decided to copy/paste it and share it. Because hey, it’s not only making fun of a woman for getting fat! It’s also poking fun at a media celebrity. A reality show celebrity. They’re fair game, right?!?

I say nay.

When there’s a baby on board, I believe that allowances should be made. The sheer fact that, whoever she is, I think she should be allowed leeway on a cray-cray flower patterned snug dress. It could have been a gift. It could have reminded her of a deceased beloved one’s garden. It could have been material made from pictures of a bouquet from her man congratulating her on the pregnancy. It could have been the only thing she could bring herself to wear as she left the house, knowing she’d get sliced and diced regardless of what she wore. Or maybe she’s dealing with the horrific changes to her body by trying to channel Mother Nature, being pregnant and all. Who the hell knows?

My point is, who the hell are we to judge what she’s covering her body with or how that body looks? If there is any time period when a human should be allowed to wear whatever the hell makes them happy, it’s people with terminal illnesses and pregnant women.

Period.

In both cases, there is shit going down in their bodies that would keep you up nights, terrified. In the case of pregnancy, the gestational host, err, I mean, the mother, faces tremendous changes to her body. In my experience, from head to toe.  Literally. My hair changed from waves to curls and my feet changed, widening along with other body parts that typically widen during pregnancy to accommodate the birth. I’m told this is common, which I think means that shoe stores need to increase their ratio of wide-to-average width shoes. (Am I right, ladies?!? …??? … No? … *hangs head* … I knew it.)

Lookit, whether we like her or not, she has chosen to grow a human. Inside of her. She is sustaining another life from within her body. She didn’t adopt. She didn’t hire a surrogate. If unplanned, she didn’t have an abortion. She’s created life and now she’s feeding herself and her baby, as pregnant women all over the world are encouraged to do.

Except for Kim Kardashian. She gets laughed at for gaining weight during a pregnancy. Clearly, the popular opinion is that she should have taken this opportunity — a heightened metabolism and another, separate life siphoning off calories and nutrition — to go on a crash diet, starving herself and her unborn child. All for the hope of gaining cheers of approval from the media and America for being back in a bikini 2 weeks after delivery, smiling at us from the cover of a magazine.

Silver lining? Since the baby would likely be in PICU, being kept alive by feeding tubes and a team of specialists, Ms. K will have plenty of time for tanning sessions and photo shoots.

Oh, and keep in mind, there are millions of young women that have grown up with Ms. Kardashian all over TV. Like it or not, they are learning. I wonder how many more young women will under-eat, rather than risk being called a fat ass, to the detriment of her child.

This is my one share of the picture and I don’t hate on anyway that has done so or will do so. If it were Tom Cruise, I’d have shared the hell out of his fat, pregnant ass. But since I don’t hate/idolize Ms. K, the first thing I thought of was something else that recently made the rounds of social media:

A post written by Geek God, Wil Wheaton, that was circulating in response to some cruelty a man with MS recently suffered, and included a Tweet quote from Joel Watson @hijinksensue:

“you make games and comics and books. They make comments.”

So, in this case, Ms. K is making a baby. And I say, comment away, World.

She’s gaining weight, but she’s also celebrating life.

She wins.

This one does not come from a Victorian essay or etiquette book. And it may not actually be a lesson in etiquette per se, but rather a lesson in paying attention to what you say and type.

Let’s just shorten this to “Own what you say.”

I think after the recent deluge of misquoting Martin Luther King Jr, it’s safe to say that folks are more likely to pull the “Retweet” or “Copy/Paste/Share” trigger than they are to checking to see if it’s a true quote before posting to their social media site of choice.

In case you are one of the lucky few to not know what I’m referencing, allow me to explain. Almost immediately after the announcement of Osama bin Laden’s murder late Sunday night, the internet went crazy with opinions, thoughts and quotes. One of two (both now proven to be fake) quotes that was copied over and over and over and over in FB was:

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that” ~Martin Luther King Jr.”
~Copied from my sister’s FB page on Monday

We now know that only the ending was an actual quote from Dr. King:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Very powerful stuff, although not distilled and specific enough to have likely gotten all the attention that it received. But I think it points to a more powerful issue. It’s so easy to podcast, Tweet and post on Facebook or on a blog, that I think words are starting to lose their power. How many times has someone said, “I remember what you (said/tweeted/posted) about (Issue XYZ),” and you have no recollection of it? I think people have a thought, instantly shout it into the abyss of the internet, and in many cases forget about it. As someone with over 33k tweets, I can assure you I doubt I can remember even 1% of what I’ve tweeted, retweeted and linked to.

And I don’t know that I think there’s anything particularly wrong about that. I’m deciding as I type this to contemplate that on another day, possibly in another blog. I just think we have to ensure that we OWN every statement we make, whether in meat space, Twitter, the blogosphere or anywhere else we express ourselves. Too often, people hide behind veils to give opinions, whether positive, invented, embellished or libelous.

Why not check a quote before retweeting it or copying it into your FB page? You’re on the internet already, the answer is just a few clicks away. I can’t even remember if I was one of those that retweeted it, but I can tell you that I take no joy in any man’s death, regardless of his crimes, so it is possible. If I did, I own that I shared without thought and I apologize. I, like many, need to think before I Tweet.

And as I read through various Dr. King quotes this morning, I came upon one that I really needed reminding of. Although I actively continue to embrace forgiveness* of those that have or continue to wrong me with lies and/or hurtful actions (intentional or unintentional), I also choose not to hate.

If that means I have to avoid current events to dodge the toxicity, so be it. There are more than enough people to rage in support or opposition to every issue, so I will bow out of conflict every chance I get. And no, you can’t make me argue that decision.

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
— Martin Luther King Jr.

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*Forgiveness is something I give constantly, although many of those I forgive will never hear me utter those words. The toxic nature of some people impact me too intensely. Besides, my words hold no value to them beyond twisting them to use as ammunition against me at a later time. Whether the hurt occurred a week ago or twenty years ago, there is typically no value of forgiveness for the transgressor, but it’s invaluable to the one that forgives.

As convention season is underway, this rule may be a timely one to share. Although it was originally intended for the theatre, I think it applies to panels as well.

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It is rude to whisper or talk during a performance. It is discourteous to the performers, and annoying to those of the audience around you, who desire to enjoy the entertainment.

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Personally, I also consider texting and tweeting during a panel to be discourteous and distracting to both audience seated behind you and to those on the panel, with three exceptions.

• Tweeting that you are in a panel, giving the name of it, and its location is a benefit to the panelists, unless done repeatedly.
• Tweeting a photo from the panel can also be beneficial, unless done repeatedly.
• If you plan on “live tweeting” as some do from the panel, this too can be beneficial to the panelists as it can bring others to the panel or serve as a nice touch afterward for the panelists to see what resonated. I would suggest not sitting in the front rows, however. The panelists, if like me, tend to feed off of the energy of the audience.

In addition, I don’t think it serves anyone if an audience member takes over the conversation during a panel. Meaning, unless questions are requested, you should just listen. If you have a question or opinion, raise your hand at the appropriate time and make what you say concise. Remember, the rest of the audience came to share in the information from the panelists, and it can easily turn into a situation where the panelists are unable to continue the conversation because of an audience member with a firmly held opinion that is being voiced.

Again, these are my rules as I’ve developed them over the years and other panelists may feel completely different.

Opinions from panelists? Opinions from audience members?

Many thanks for the read. I look forward to seeing if there are comments on this one.

This series of posts was inspired by my discovery of Victorian rules of etiquette. The following is a rule concerning calling cards, and when to share them. If you are unfamiliar with the concept, they are similar to business cards, but are used by individuals. A husband and wife would have their own calling cards, and there were strict guidelines to be followed in their distribution to avoid a social faux pas.

Although we no longer use calling cards at social occasions, having hosted many parties through Evite, I found this one to be relevant to today’s world:

“Calls should be paid within a week after the receipt of invitations to a dinner party.”

In those days, your calling card would serve as your R.S.V.P., with a note explaining your acceptance or rejection of the event in the form of a courteous explanation. While I realize that current day logistics may prevent people from responding to Evites within a week, frequently having had a quarter or more of the invitees not respond ever is a bit of stress on the host and hostess. You have no idea if those people may show up and then expend funds to ensure there is enough to cover the largest pool of attendees possible. It is then double disappointing when they don’t come.

I have two continuing series that I’ve been toying with, and this is the first I’ve decided to jump into. I don’t intend to post those I find to be sexist or bigoted, unless they are so ridiculous that they must be pointed out to (hopefully) show progress made.

Expect them to be brief, as I find little nuggets to share along my way. I may or may not have further comment beyond the quote, but I believe this one speaks for itself.

“Beware of meddlers and tale bearers.”