Categories
Health Music No Whining Soulful

3 Year Old Girl Dancing to Sia’s Song, “Chandelier”

I think it’s safe to say I’m at least mildly obsessed with this song and have a sisterly crush on the artist herself, at this point. I’ve already posted once about this song, have another half written in my head, but since I just came across this YouTube vid, tweeted from @Sia’s verified twitter account, I had to stop and share immediately. It now has me wanting to play Sia’s video for our Wee Flowers (housemate Jen’s daughters, nearly ages 7 and 5), since they love to dance so much.

It would be bittersweet, because of their skill and epic cuteness and the downer reason that is the reason  I relate to the lyrics so much. Coming from the aspect of being broken physically to the point that physical or even emotional stress can trigger the worst of my Health Blahs’ symptoms, as I explained previously, the efforts I have to take to go out and about in public can be pretty Herculean. That means, when I am able to get out and am having fun, I typically resort to any means necessary to stay in motion and keep on making memories.

And, no, it’s not about the alcohol, other than as a metaphor (and because I used to be able to drink socially before recent medications) for the assumption people make about me and how I always have to be altered by medication to get out of isolation and to where people are. It’s not like or want, it’s need and must. I am no alcoholic, never have been. I used to drink socially, and now if I have more than one or two drinks, I risk immediate migraines and life-threatening liver damage, because of the work my liver has to already do for all the meds. Not looking to die quite yet.

Enjoy the cuteness! I completely adore the singer, more on why I relate so much later, but it totally plays to my desire to live vicariously through those that can do the things I wish I could do.

To view the original music video, you can view it here. It’s what the 3 yo is dancing to.

Categories
Family Friends Music

Such Great Heights by Iron & Wine

A song I’ve loved for years, from the Garden State movie soundtrack. The movie and entire album is fantastic to my eyeballs and earholes, and is a shared love with our oldest 2 sons, which brings extra richness to it.

On a recent shuffle through my songs, it played and the lyrics hit my sweet spot and now I must share it.

Listen along, if you like, as you read the lyrics. Link to song (no vid) on YouTube:

“Such Great Heights”
Iron & Wine
Lyrics from A-Z Lyrics

I am thinking it’s a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and when we kiss
They’re perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us
Into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true it may seem like a stretch
But it’s thoughts like this that catch
My troubled head when you’re away
When I am missing you to death

When you are out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
Come down now, they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
Come down now but we’ll stay

I’ve tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
It sounded thin upon listening

And that frankly will not fly
You’ll hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
Come down now, they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
Come down now but we’ll stay

Categories
Cool Links / Clicky Linky TV

Rik Mayall, RIP

RIP, Rik Mayall. I was just thinking of you this weekend and am saddened that this is the only way you hit national news in the US. My VERY favorite performance of yours is from the old Comic Strip show with Adrian Edmondson (with many excellent cameos) on a particular episode called, “More Bad News.” They were a satire of rock bands, like Spinal Tap. I laughed ’til I cried and then I rewound and watched it again, countless times on the VHS tape I recorded it onto in the late ’80s. Imagine my excitement when I finally was able to get a VHS copy of my very own. No DVD, sadly.

He played characters that were just themselves and didn’t make excuses, at a time when I didn’t know that was Allowed. And he was so funny! Even if the humor was always about being an ass, he always made me laugh. I’m still trying to learn some of those lessons, 30 years later.

And thanks for the unexpected hope. The Young Ones had a point of view I wasn’t getting while growing up in Central Texas. I could be ugly, stupid, fat, broke, annoying and still have friends. I didn’t have to be a cookie cutter “roper.” Praise Glob for that show and 120 Minutes and the hope they gave this weirdo. Central Texas was not teaching me this. Young Ones and 120 Minutes (and many bands) did. Love me or hate me, this is me.

Wish you’d gotten more roles, but I’m grateful for “Drop Dead Fred” which I was able to share and enjoy with my kids when they were younger.

Silver lining: I can share the fun easily with you guys, since I found “More Bad News” on Youtube, I’m sure it’ll be taken down, but the whole damn thing is here, which means I don’t have to dig out my VHS tape. Wewt! You can enjoy it yourselves, too. In addition to Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson, it has Nigel Planer, so there’s 3/4ths of the Young Ones cast, plus cameos by Jools Holland, Ozzy Osbourne, Lemmy, French and Saunders, and oh, I dunno, whatever rock gods were found at Castle Donington and does a lovely job breaking down the record biz at the 15 minute mark. Oi.

Categories
Health Mental Music No Whining Soulful Too Long For Twitter

Sia’s Chandelier, Because “Tomorrow” is Recovery Day

 

Chandelier by Sia

Just saw this video and was drawn out of hunting airline bargains for T’s summer visit and tha socialz from Balticon 48. The song grabbed me and then the video compelled me to rewatch from the beginning, and WOW does it resonate with me! Only after the second viewing, with tears running down my eyes, did I realize I should read the lyrics because I was clearly having a visceral reaction, so I decided to find them and when it resonated further, I chose to steal a selfish moment for this post.

The next thought, thanks to my “distortion filter” (per T-Pain, my nickname for my therapist)? What if I had continued in dance instead of wussing out when the toe shoes came out? Maybe staying in motion would have prevented at least SOME of my health issues. Did I cause or worsen my current and chronic pain conditions? Or did I prevent an earlier onset? Was I too undisciplined for too long? Luckily, since I’ll likely never know the answer, I’m letting the blame and guilt go on that since I can’t go back in time to fix it.

I feel a physical yearning, a hardly irrepressible urge to leap up and start dancing (I was sort of a dancer in my younger days.). I have to immediately squelch it because of Health Blahs. It resonated so deeply that I’m sharing both the original video, the artist’s lyric video and the lyrics, in case you don’t want the data hit to watch the videos.

Note that I specifically interpret “tomorrow” as what I call The Reckoning, or recovery day(s) I’m “prescribed” to take after stressful periods. Good stress or bad stress, emotional or physical, it doesn’t matter the type of stress or stressor, they all deplete my body to the point I can’t control it. Adrenaline and cabin-fever-driven needs to spend time in the sunshine (or moonlight) with friends and/or family are my favorite of all the stressors.

“Chandelier”
by Sia

Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down
I’m the one “for a good time call”
Phone’s blowin’ up, ringin’ my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw ’em back, till I lose countI’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelierAnd I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink

Throw ’em back till I lose count

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

And I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Oh I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Oh I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight

 

And NO. I’m not relating “drink” to alcohol. I’m referring to all the tricks I use and the “mask” I try so hard to use to hide it when the pain gets overwhelming because it’s such a downer for those around me.  Besides, I have to take heavy medication to be able to leave the house/hotel room at all, and it makes me feel just as wasted as anything. It’s just without the pesky side effect of triggering my death by adding alcohol to prescription medications. You know it’s serious when I repeatedly turn down anything but a sip from Alchemist Extraordinaire, John Taylor Williams, aka @wryneckstudio on Twitter.

Instead of “drinks” or alcohol, I’m actually referring to fun, friends, love, giggles and adrenaline, and what I choose to sacrifice with a “rally hour (or 2)” for less resting and more socializing or for actually being coherent for the Beyond the Wall Live! show at Balticon and actually remembering the experience this year through a better balance with my medication and minimal alcohol, if any.

(Tip: Carry a full drink with you to prevent friends from surprise-buying you old faves. It seems to only occur to people when you have an empty glass! I have such generous friends that this is actually a problem!)

Miss you already, Balticonners, and all the chandeliers to swing from. <3

Chandelier by Sia
(Video with lyrics)

Categories
Family Health Too Long For Twitter

My Nephew and Crohn’s Disease

Quick note: This post was long planned, but finally edited and posted becaue a remarkable woman is raising donations to help find a cure for Crohn’s Disease and Colitis. Please consider giving money as thanks for her getting her ass out there to raise funds for a charity that fights these truly terrible diseases.

You’ve heard me whine about missing my nephew since he moved away, but before that, some of you kind folk in Twitter remember that he found himself on the horrific path of Crohn’s 5 or 6 years ago, and I remain grateful for the prayers and kindnesses that buoyed us through that scary time.

Remembering his then-little body (I was still taller than him) wracked with pain to the point of near-delirium, before and after the surgery haunts me still, but his treatments have given back much of the life he could have easily lost. The picture below is him from around the last time I saw him, last summer. He is strong like bull, thanks to charities and researches fighting to give folks like him a long and far better life.

My Nephew Taking on the World, Virginia Beach, VA, 07/11/2013

We spent so many happy years with my nephew and his older brother being nearby and nearly-inseparable from my two sons from my previous marriage. And while I miss him greater than he could ever understand, I remain ever-gratified that he’s truly been thriving in his newer environment. He’s grown healthy and strong and next month he graduates from high school, already with a partial scholarship for college in the Fall!

He’s been playing football and basketball at school, and has been an avid and talented skateboarder for eons. He’s lucky that the medicine is still helping, as we’ve been told that someday it likely won’t anymore and that is a terrifying thing to contemplate. And lookit, I don’t care how small a centimeter is, when they take 11 of them out of a child, they’re huge.  I remain grateful that his body has been allowed to grow tall and strong, as he refused to embrace anything but a full life with his disease.

You can see why he’s one of my greatest inspirations, no?

And guys, he’ll turn 18 in three months, too. We had no idea if we could hope for more than a year from his first surgery, let alone the on-going treatments (*knocks on wood*). And while I wish he didn’t remember the pain back then or from ongoing episodes, I remain grateful that he is vigilant, in part from the memory that I would protect him from, if I could. 

I’m biased so this donation is a no-brainer for me, other than wanting to give far more.

But still, if you can, please get your wallets out, if not for you or someone you care about, then do it simply to pay it forward since none of us have any guarantees in life. Every little bit counts and the minimum is a mere $15.

Please?

Categories
Dizzy Health Mental Rules of Etiquette

Health Blahs Update (in great detail)

It’s taking me a very long to write this update, which started two weeks ago, I have initiated my one hour publish rule. Apologies for messiness, but I have to be consistent with … me.

A follow-up with my Rheumatologist resulted in her halting the one month try of a weekly pain patch, Butrans. The increase in my already frequently present symptoms were misery-inducing, after it’d been on four or five days. I joked, with a nervous laugh, “Here we go!” as I pulled off the used one and put on a fresh one. By the time I put on the fourth, I wanted to cry as I put it on.

It was misery in a 1 x 1″ -ish square. The constant high pain migraine, constant nausea, sporadic and spectacular vomiting (no there are NO pix. *shiver*), dizziness (yes, I’m already dizzy a large portion of my day. this was “stay low to the ground” dizziness.), fatigue (I call it my lead blanket) and generally feeling constantly wasted. I burned myself more, cut myself more, have more bruises and fewer eyebrows left because of my slow reaction time (long story. derp!) I quit driving completely, which has put an even greater burden on my husband. (saving throw by Housie Jen, who let me accompany her on a double shopping trip!).  I’m hoping that the next prescriptions lets that resume.

Now, these side effects are things I already was diagnosed with on the “Vestibular Migraines” list of symptoms almost four years ago. I think that’s what made it utterly debilitating. I would occasionally only get 4, maybe 5 hours a day where I was fully cognizant and able to interact my beyond our home, but I required at least one or two days for recovery.

The patch resulted in my being in a constant state of clumsy, bruised, confused, whiny, cranky and sometimes, downright evil. Eldest kindly me Snippy on a stressful day recently. (He was totally right, I really was. My mood was justified, especially with the amount of pain in play that day, but still I had to try and turn my mood around for him, Chooch and our niece. Definitely not their fault!) This was aggravated by my minimizing other medications that could have added to the relief for fear of becoming addicted or of overdosing because these are not the meds you want to mess up and take too often.

When we told her about the vomiting, my fave story being a vibrant purple splash of color (vanilla nutritional shake with blueberries blended in was SUPER purple!) that I left on the shoulder of I-95 south a week before, she laughed along with us, but remained concerned.  I assumed she’d want me to tough it out longer to see if I acclimate to it. And while the mild base of constant pain relief was nice, Dr. says it’s not good enough to offset the symptoms on the lowest possible dosage. But pain relief is pain relief, so I briefly argued that maybe my body needed more time to adapt. In the end, I gotta say, I loved ripping that damned thing off. Didn’t even make it to the car! *ow*

I’ve taken a break off the Butrans before starting the next daily. I needed a damned break from that stuff, the pain increase has been powerful. I’m starting the new daily tomorrow. Bracing for side effects, but as ever, I’m hopeful for relief that I can do long-term. I’ve also gotten a specially mixed lotion (PBJ for good insurance, $900 for 3 month supply of lotion, zero after insurance!) and a regimen change for a regular pain-breaker.

The self-imposed driving ban is going to be extended for at least a week or two after the start of it. I hope to regain being able to drive again. I miss driving and LOATHE inconveniencing Chooch, who already works extremely hard with a 3+ hour near-daily commute. He wants to stay home more than I want to go out, most times, but we have mastered compromise on such things.

So, the process of finding meds that can bring normalcy to my life continues, after my 4th anniversary last fall. And both my Neurologist (neuro issue wrangler) and Rheumatologist (Fibromyalgia wrangler) indicated that there will not likely be anything that fixes me. As in, no cure likely, ever. Frustration? Infinite and immeasurable. Time and money lost (health costs + lost income)? Infinite and immeasurable when compounded by things we’ve NOT been able to do for our sons and loved ones. Gratitude for my problems not being terminal and only being pain? Also, infinite and immeasurable.

It’s at this point that I wonder if I can ever effectively thank the people that have intentionally, unintentionally or specifically shown kindnesses to me since this started. It’s pretty depressing to go back to Square One with every med and track the results. There’s no progress on my health improvement, but I just have too many amazing people that I want to share experiences with. Or watch them strive and obtain their goals or grow their families (preferably both).  Or sit in a corner booth with someone and giggle over nothing worth mentioning and/or solve the world’s problems. And, guys, we’ve just hit the tip of the iceberg, there are so many games we have yet to play!

Whether I’ve known you 25 years (we gotta celebrate, Cindy!), 10 years ago, 6 years (Con Fam, you’ve never failed me!) or 2 weeks since we met.  Just, ya know, thanks. Good people make the bad days bearable and the good days drip with gold and sparkle like diamonds.

Namaste.

Categories
Chooch

My Good Thing, 02/20/2014

Dunno if I’ve shared this or not, but after my Ex moved out, our kids and I moved in with my Mom, Dad and college student sister.

They made a home for us within their home, a recurring theme in my life, as I come to realize that I really like having a lot of heartbeats under my roof. The more equal, the better the flow. The more respect and privacy, you level up.

Trying to keep the boys focused on the positive, my Mom instituted “My good thing that happened to me today was __________.” You had to have at least one, even if pre-teen or surly or on restriction, or on a diet (me, eternally) but you could name as many as you want.

After reading a comment on a post Chooch made in Facebook today, all I can think of is, “Well. I know what my good thing is today.” Makes more sense when you know that this is, since that ritual ended long ago when our baby birds left the nest or remain in another, how I state that something bubbly-making has touched my heart.

Earlier, Chooch posted this photo:

Chooch's Tattoo on his right arm.
With this original post:
It only took 42 years, but I finally got my first tattoo! — with Vivid Muse.

So, my good thing that happened to me today? Chooch’s explanation on the 4 heart containers with only 2 filled, matching tattoos we just got.

“…you start the game with 3 hearts, so we added a fourth as a 10 year anniversary level up. Since Vivid Muse and I have them matching on opposite arms, when we hold hands all the hearts fill up so we’re ready to take on the next danger together!”

I initially had a different idea in mind altogether, but when he explained why he liked this design?

Done. Let’s go.

(whispers to myself): Thank you for loving me the way you do.

I’ll follow him anywhere.

Categories
Chooch

Valentine’s Day, 2014

In a moment of long-planned and delayed and finally spontaneously, we blew our dinner, movie, sinful dessert and prezzie money and efforts at the last minute on Valentine’s Day matching tattoos, and then ended the day like most others, snuggled up, talking or watching TV, laughing and being goofy, like we do. Not letting a single giggle escape ungiggled. Our big and sinful dessert? Cherry pop-tarts, because we were too broke and tired to do anything else.

We had no plan going into the weekend, just plans with friends on Saturday that fizzled out and a visit to our Eldest son a few hours south on Sunday and an unexpectedly serendipitous visit with friends, the whole weekend was exceedingly awesome. As has happened frequently, we’ve found that sometimes, just when we need a spiritual boost,  the Fates or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or God or whatever you believe in make things just work out sometimes. This was proven COUNTLESS times over the weekend, as plans went silent and others sprang up, although I do wish I could have visited my sis while nearby. Greedy me.

I dunno if it was a different storm or the tail end of the insane snowstorm, dubbed Pax, but we got at least a foot of snow, which gave hubby the option to telework on Friday, VDay. As trashed as our street is after the combination of well over a foot of snow, melting and icing, and the cruelty of the snowplowing execution by those magical forces that make them hazardous to even check the mail. We got to at least spend the day in the same house, albeit in separate rooms. Close enough to sneak a smooch during a conference call, anyways.

At likely the last feasible moment, the scale was decided, the appointments made and we found ourselves excitedly slamming in a quick, standing-in-the-kitchen dinner and went out for our Valentine’s gift exchange at Inksanity in Leesburg, Virginia. We originally hoped to get them on our 10th Anniversary this past November 1st. We then hoped to get them while in Hawai’i. We kept having stuff come up and delaying it, but I have no complaints.

Chooch surprised me with romance in our ears in the car as he drove us there. He played music by Metric, “Breathing Underwater” (see previous post) first as we chatted and planned and chatted. Sadly, when we arrived at the nearby tattoo shop, the artists we selected were in different areas, so we were only very briefly together, me at the beginning of his, him at the end of mine.

We got heart containers from the Zelda games, same number of hearts, empty and filled. It’s not a clear shot of them, but you get the idea. He explains the specifics better than I. *swoon* Soul mate!

Blood, Ink and Bad Assery

The tattoo artists worked diligently to ensure ours matched, with an apprentice seemingly floating between us doing visual checks. It was sweet how they strove for perfection and it was a great first experience for Chooch as well as for me. (Yes, it still hurts on the third tattoo, especially on the first red heart fill on, because of placement.)

We held hands and giggled on our way back through all the snow to the car, like a couple of newlywed idiots. We were so happy. It was heaven.

Then on the way home he surprised my spinning and migraine-y self (physical stress triggers my neurological symptoms, which I anticipated) with songs from our wedding CD’s. It was part of a 4-disc set of about a three hour span of music that we jointly and painstakingly made to play at our wedding reception. Each and every song was debated and ranked, it was serious stuff! And we also took our very fave 12 songs as a separate playlist as wedding favors. (I’ll never forget how adorable my stepmother-in-law was as she explained her immediate love of one of the songs, the only time I remember that anyone actually saying they’d listened. Yays!)  I haven’t loaded either playlist onto my new player yet, and now I am reminded that I really, really need to manage that mischief.

We spent more time on picking songs than anything else for our wedding, as music is an intense and shared passion of ours. And we wanted our family and friends to be surrounded by the music that symbolizes so much of who we were then, separately and together.  A little bubble of silly calm floating down the Potomac River with views of all the beauty on the moonlit night of our wedding. It was a total break from the chaos of those days. I was told by several folks that ours was the favorite wedding attended because it didn’t feel like a wedding, more like a relaxed gathering with the ceremony at the very beginning of it. Pure magic.

Listening to it on the way home from the tattoo shop, I could reflect back on how I felt on our first Valentine’s Day together, while dating, and kind of compare it to this one. We get snowed in back then, just like this year. I better appreciate how well he knows and appreciates me.  Better than anyone, yet still loves my eternally flawed self. He didn’t turn and walk away when things got tough at various points over the years.  He can even keep me calm in times of great chaos, whether it’s ours or someone else’s, using only four words. See? Magic.

Chooch is an infinitely deeper, inquisitive, creative, sexy, thoughtful and more generous dude than I previously believed possible. Like I told him the other night, I can’t even get good and pissed at him, because I know that very soon he’ll do something that will make me forget it and then I’ll feel petty for it when I’m trying to catch my breath from laughing, loving or whatever the fun entails.

I am so grateful that our unintended celebration of  lurrrrrrve evolved this way, it’s always an adventure!

Hope yours rocked, too. Love, man. Love.
#NoRegrets

Categories
Cool Links / Clicky Linky Hauntings Music

Breathing Underwater by Metric

Another soul-touching song from Metric with the links and lyrics for their song, “Breathing Underwater.”  This specific song is one of the reasons I fell so hard for Metric years ago when we first started seeking their other tunes. It speaks to me and brings me great peace and sanity. ‘Nuff said, other than I’m adding the Amazon link to allow for listening and possible purchase.

Hear and/or Buy it at Amazon

See the official Metric video, live footage

Lyrics
(from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/metric/breathingunderwater.html)

“Breathing Underwater”
by Metric 

I’m the blade
You’re the knife
I’m the weight
You’re the kite
They were right when they said
We were breathing underwater
Out of place all the time
In a world that wasn’t mine to takeI’ll wait
Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?
Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?I’m the blade
You’re the knife
I’m the weight
You’re the kite
They were right when they said we should never meet our heroes
When they bowed at their feet, in the end it wasn’t me

Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?
Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?

Nights are days
We’ll beat a path through the mirrored maze
I can see the end
But it hasn’t happened yet
I can see the end
But it hasn’t happened yet

Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?
Is this my life?
Ahhh
Am I breathing underwater?

Am I breathing underwater? [x2]

(Writer(s): Emily Haines, James Shaw

Copyright: Chrysalis Music Ltd.)


Categories
Health Mental Too Long For Twitter

Doc: Avoiding Isolation Via the Internet? Me: Check.

 

Going through yet another cycle of appointments (quarterly, unless something new happens), most for pain management since there is no cure for my fun bag of Health Blahs, I am was reminded how off-handedly I answer the most recent time I was asked that question, for the second time in two months:

Her: “Have you been staying social to avoid isolation and depression?”
Me: “I have that covered with social media and podcasting, when I’m able to do it. For years now.”

I’m eternally grateful that Chooch took a biz trip when he did to Abq and met up with old friends that introduced him to City of Heroes (MMORPG). We both (and two sons, for a bit) started playing and eventually started podcasting about. Around the same time, we started our family life podcast, or journal of what we enjoyed and disliked and in general, our lives were like up until 2011. Due to other creative projects, they have slid down the list of priorities, but we’ve been talking about doing them regularly again for awhile now. (Mostly me, as Chooch has other interests of creative expression.)

But for those things, City of Heroes and Podcasting, I wouldn’t have, what, 80% of the people in my life, many for at least six years. Relationships have ebbed and flowed, but I can’t imagine having gone through all these health problems and um, let’s say challenges, without the social network I already had in place in the local (and distant!) podcast community. I have friendships that have changed my life, utterly, and while some drew more blood than comfort, I still treasure them. I’ve learned a lot about humanity.

So now, reflecting back as I am on the perch of attempting reboot when my neurological issues may result in failure in ability to host again, rather than co-host, I am just very VERY grateful for the adventures, memories and giggles in my life. So whether I’m successful or not, it’s something that I want to do, whether or not I’m ever physically reliable enough to guest at conventions again or not. This isn’t branding, I’m not selling anything (can’t think of anything, lol!), this is just me, so I don’t have to worry at all, beyond the parental concerns.

And I have some very sweet friends that encourage me to do Girls Rules specifically, and I always have ideas hopping for that one.