Categories
Fibromyalgia No Whining

Where’s My (Memory)?

Memory is an extremely problematic thing for me now. Even worse is the typical belief that if it were important enough to me, I would remember whatever it is. I submit the novel notion that I have no choice in what I remember and what is forgotten. It has nothing to do with my adoration or loathing of the subject.

In my great frustration, I glommed on to a new-to-me blog, Chronic Curve, linked by dear friend Andrea, who suffers fro many of the same health challenges as I. The blog is written by someone battling the effects of RA, which I do not have. I have Fibromyalgia. But the similarities in our situations are astonishing and I can’t stop reading the posts. 

So, memory, right. One of the posts has a number of pointers for those dealing with brain fog, fatigue, pain and cognitive problems. In reading it, I believe the tips useful for everyone, particularly those in a place where they must retain knowledge for current income or a diploma (future increased income). The learning techniques are fascinating, and I intend to try to remember to use them and report successes, if any. I’m already working on the Method of Loci to hopefully relieve a social issue of mine that has recently worsened. *fingers crossed*

If you do give it a try, report back? Pretty please?

Categories
Cooking ExperiMENTAL

World Nutella Day is Here *drools*

First off, let me start by saying, “WTF!?!? Nutella wasn’t in my user dictionary? Suck it, me!”. Now added, I can continue:

Today is World Nutella Day. If you don’t know what Nutella is, don’t fret. It’s simply hazelnuts, ground up until spreadable, like peanut butter, with milk and cocoa added for tasty measure.

My loyal friend, Chaos, ever at my side these days, has prevented me from doing the baking I wanted to do. Playing catch-up on everything that slipped since I have been laid up, means that I can’t bake today. My solution: The jar I bought will just have to fit into my day, however it may. It’s a Holy Day in my calendar, and this year I choose to honor it in restful contemplation. I’ll still experiment, but on a far smaller scale than the previous two years.

I raise my spoonful of Nutella to those who honor this day as I do: By indulging to my heart’s content to this most exquisite gift from what must be from the fairy realms in Belgium.  Ok, so the spoonful didn’t last this long, but I raise it in spirit, my friends.

Enjoy!
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Previous posts from 2011 are viewable here. 
And, apparently, I never blogged about last year’s fun. May have to remedy that soon. I’ve got some pix around here somewhere…

 

Categories
Anti-Health Health

To the ER! Again? Ehh…

Another month, another ER trip. Worried because ankle is still excruciating after sprain last month and YES, I know I overdid it. That’s part of the price of going to CA. Want to spend ALL the time with everyone. Also, I suspected some sort of sinus infection/bronchitis. All is well, home now. Love the staff at Inova Loudoun hospital. Ankle still not broken despite my best attempts, lulz. Osteo dude next week with a dash of antibiotics and a trip to an ENT for my sinus issues. Thank Glob for good insurance! And thank Glob for Chooch for providing it!

It’s a beautiful, warm-ish winter day in Virginia and I’m tucked back in bed with my flannel Tink jammies. Hubby is hard at work on a day job project by my side. Smiling as I view my friends’ photos in Facebook at all the love there, and must send blessings and protective vibes to ALL! Even if you think such things are fufu dust, you are still under my protection! MUAHAHA, you can’t stop me!

Miiiiiiiiissing our sons and hoping their weekends rock! xoxoxo Brush your teeth *muah* No texting at the table (((hugs))) Love you!

And yes, pain killers. In case you were wondering. Vicodin.

Weird revelation? This was the first medical emergency thing that I didn’t pray to and focus on my Mom. Even weirder? Tomorrow is the 6th anniversary of her death. Don’t know how I feel about either part.  That I didn’t reach out for her energy or that I was avoiding the acknowledging the anniversary.

It’s healthy, right? Because it feels disloyal.

Recuperating with Finn and Jake. A fave eppy: I Remember You. Brings a tear to my eye hole, it does.

Later, mang.

Categories
Uncategorized

California Dreaming, One

**Edit** Written yesterday.

I have blissed out beyond what I hoped for the entire trip after learning that my beloved Sister In Law, who I will for now refer to as “That’s Unfortunate” (TU) because of how she schooled me last night. Three therapy sessions in one sentance: Oh, you always feel like you have to please people? Me: Precisely. She: Oh. That’s unforturnate.

Truth nugget, that I’m still laughing at while I process. Meanwhile, she is someone that innately pampers and spoils everyone she can. So I’m taking it with a grain of salt.

Then we find out that J (Chooch’s son, who I hope to have a better moniker for by the end of this trip.) time will be plentiful and are now blissing out watching him play Rocksmith, which we brought, with his own guitar. He’s an amazing musician, we’re blown away as he’s acing The Dead Weather.

While talking throughout the day, many times returning to music, I realize the while I can play no instrument, I have been surrounded by musicians my whole life starting with my dad, who played acoustic guitar from as young as I remember, then stopped at some point (I wonder where that guitar is now?).

Then my brother started playing percussion in middle school through high school.

Then dating musicians.

Then marrying and later divorcing a singer and guitar player, now married to a musician of multiple instruments, with a son that that sang all four years in  high school choir, another son that has played percussion off and on since he was 6 or 7 years old (We provided a practice pad and drum sticks so he could get used to how it should feel since he was beating pencils and or his hands on everything anyways.) and has recently and seriously informed Chooch and I that he wants to be a musician as a career, and seeing J playing Rocksmith after more than 3 years of guitar lessons, several years of piano lessons, and now playing trumpet in the school orchestra. How joyful am I that my whole life I have been surrounded by music, enveloped in it, and will continue to, by people that I love and take such pride in their accomplishments.

Definitely counting my blessings this day, after blissing out oh-so-many unforgettable moments.

SoCal.

*sigh*

My Eternal happy place.

Categories
Family

Can You Spare Any “Get Well, Soon!” Wishes/Prayers/Vibes?

Nope, not for me. Purging thoughts here, so skip to the bottom for the important bit.

We fly on Friday, December 21st, 2012. Yes, the same day the Mayans. And lookit, this has been one mucker fother of a year and I was not being brave or anything else. In truth, it wasn’t on the airline calendar, so we jumped at the lower fare (over $500 difference for 2 people!!!!).

Once realized, I came to terms with it quickly since we are heading to our Paradise — the place we always struggle and fight to leave, once we get there. We were plotting a most excellent holiday party with all of Chooch’s Cali family, a grand gathering at a much needed, difficult time for my man and I.

As expected, in spite of knocking wood, The Universe quickly bashed my brains in after my off-the-cuff remark that “2012 can suck it”. In fairness, it was while also proclaiming hope for the holidays, time with loved ones, reaching out for a touchstone/talisman/calmness that only comes from time with Chooch’s family. And it’s long overdue. But many different things vie for attention and time, and suddenly Christmas was coming so swiftly as to feel as if I’m being hunted down.

Note: Everyone has worked countless hours on Ditched by Kate’s upcoming album (release date TBA) and recent show (Nov. 26th, you missed it, sorry!). Possibly energized by the season, we’ve been working like elves around the clock, in the hopes of releasing their new album this year. I am unspeakably proud of what these amazing musicians created and are honing for the world to hear in all its glory. Long live DBK!

This and family issues combined as Christmas approached, and I was not prepared by any stretch, but, no worries, I had two weeks left. And if you know me, you know I can do a lot in 2 weeks. Then, BAM! Twisted ankle, worse than any I’ve ever had, and over a week later, I still can’t walk without crutches.

Okay, suck it up cupcake, throw out the baking list for my family’s gathering, forget shopping, just get to California for the holidays. If it hurts, push through it and get there. Pain is pain, but gather ye rose buds while ye may, and all that. Quick like a bunny — hop, hop, hop!

Then, in a year already besieged with tears for loves in pain and loves in loss, my unbelievably adorable Mom-in-law is now hospitalized for the next several weeks. By all signs, she will be fine. And it appears like better support will be available than before.

I am grateful that we got to hear her giggles of excitement when we told her of the trip.

I am grateful she is well and in the best hands.

I am saddened we won’t get the Christmas visit we dreamed of, but cling tightly to gratitude that we get to put our arms around her in less than three days. I love her dearly, as did my Mom. And her taste was impeccable, Chooch is my proof of that.

So, I think I’ll toss my hope and optimism in a tiny box and protect it with bubble wrap, tissue paper and everything else I can until it doesn’t resemble itself any longer. It will hide in plain sight of the Universe, but because it’s so ugly, it will not garner any attention. My hidden optimism will be safe from the stamping and stomping of the busy world, but will sparkle and shine for me and anyone else that wants to share in its glow.

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If you skipped to the end, please take my post title as a sincere and humble request on behalf of a sweet and loving woman that helped shape the man and family that I love beyond comprehension. Many thanks if you can spare the time, as I know there are many things pulling at everyone this time of year. Namaste.

Categories
Too Long For Twitter

Stray Thoughts: Two

Some day, I shall gather up all my unfinished sentences and talked over comments and silenced words.

They have unrequited purpose.

They are made useless.

They sit like a bag of stones in my chest.

Hi. I talk a lot. It’s a nervous habit. It’s something I do when in the company of trusted friends. Sometimes it’s gold and sometimes it’s shit and sometimes it’s nothing other than shouting into the abyss.

Once I have them all gathered, I shall first pet them and give them ear skritches and make sure they are okay. Then I shall pick them up, one at a time, sit them in my lap with my arms wrapped comfortingly around them and give consideration to what they convey.

Then, lovingly, one by one, I’ll apply the five year rule. Meaning, is it something that will make a difference in five years for myself, loved ones, friends and the world in general. If not, I don’t have to inundate people with my thoughts, asked or unasked. Those I process singly, on my own and try to learn from them.

As an example, not everyone that asks for honesty actually wants it. And it varies from person to person to person to person how much honesty I can dare.

Imagine if like, trying to decide what will have made a difference five years from now? Even with my intuitive abilities, as they’re attributed, I can’t predict national tragedies, personal ventures and tragedies of my own and of beloveds, to know beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So, I suck at it and talk less, but still too much. Which is weird for me, because I always want all the options available when given a challenge. Not just the ones I “can handle.” All the options. All the information. All your words are belong to me. I want to make the best possible choice given all available viewpoints.

Some people only want to hear options that they would want to do. Some only want affirmation that their decision was the right one because it’s all they can handle. Some, like me, want all the options, painful or no.

I will not pretend that I will always handle information with good graces. I may get upset or overreact or think out loud, manically. It’s a process I think I learned from my mother, and it’s hard to break (the thinking out loud thing). But I also drop some funny fucking jokes along the way. That’s a compliment paid by husband, recently.

Something I had said was not only funny but fucking funny.

See what I mean about using more words? Just one more in that statement was enough to make me float on a cloud for the rest of the day.

Off for some Christmas frolicking with hopes that we all giggle more than we groan today.

Categories
Movies

Review: Wreck It, Ralph

Run, don’t walk, to the theater if:
You liked Scott Pilgrim and/or wished there was a movie like it for your ankle biters;
You like video games;
You like CGI movies;
You enjoy a good story of redemption with a shocking number of moments viewed through teary eyes;
You like fun;
You dislike not fun.

Admittedly, we missed the first few moments, but I don’t feel like we missed much. It was a surprisingly rich story, with many familiar faces (from the video game world) and familiar voices.
My hands down fave surprise? Jane Lynch’s performance. Perfect casting and perfect performance.

My goose-bump inducing fave moment? Sarah Silverman as Vanellope von Schweetz. I refuse to try and describe her other than as a cross between Housie’s daughters, Feral Dancer and Tiny Expert. Which, if you’ve never met them, would equal AWESOME!

I loved this movie, the soundtrack, the casting, the performances, everything.

Categories
Too Long For Twitter Uncategorized Whining

Stray Thoughts

I’m wondering why it is so hard for some of us to take our own journey. Even when lucky enough to have a partner, I hesitate before stepping on the path of another for fear that my footprints will leave an unwanted mark. It’s happened in the past. And I know it’s my fault because they told me it was (Haha, yes. I’m working on that, too.).

Now, I excel at finding silver linings and rainbows. I do it at every turn now. It makes a difficult process or period of time a bit easier, sometimes. Sometimes, not so much. But when feeling adrift and buffeted on all sides by storms, where does one turn? Speaking for myself only,

I get lost in the rhythm of the waves. It’s mesmerizing, don’t you think? And by studying them, you can learn from them. Hopefully something that makes the storm worth bearing. Most storms come and go without us ever learning such a thing, like what caused it or how it can be prevented in the future.

But, eventually, I find myself looking up, so the sky analogy works really well for me. (Religious notation: I was raised Roman Catholic; gave up on the preachings of old white men long ago and am currently researching Buddhism. I look up because that is where I instinctively look when talking to my deceased Mom, who is the person I “pray” to.).

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I have been assured that I have strong intuition. I have an overwhelming urge to believe this, as so many come to me for advice. Why, I have no idea. I’m as lost as sea as the next poor bastard.

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Why does parenthood have to be SO hard?
It’s like that film in middle school about body changes and sex and stuff, before you can grasp any of it (if you’re lucky), because you’re at an age when it’s biologically possible to get pregnant.
It’s that terror-filled moment of: “I can’t wait to see him” alongside the fear that I will negatively imapact his journey. That I’ll say the wrong thing.
It’s like, in the words of a very wise man, grape on the outside and salty on the inside. (Yes, I’m working on it… ^-^)

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I find it un-fucking-believable that nearly no one I see regularly, as life finds me now, ever met my Mom.
How is it possible that so much of my life is utterly separate from hers?!?!
That what was, when she left, is now gone.
Irrevocably.
Exquisitely.
Excruciatingly.

*sends up a red balloon*
Frakkin’ holidays.

Categories
Too Long For Twitter

Robot Test: Katy Perry

Chooch and I accidentally found Comedy Central’s autism benefit, “Night of Too Many Stars,” airing a couple weeks ago and the only thing I can remember about it is Katy Perry’s performance with Jodi DiPiazza, a young beauty with autism. Ms. Perry seemingly forgets that there is a live audience and cameras present for about four solid minutes as the two sing Katy’s song, “Firework.” I was just reminded of it by hearing a slice of the original song and can’t believe I never mentioned it here.

Test Parameters:
If Katy Perry fails to go up in your opinion by at least 1 point after watching this video, then you’re a robot. Even if you don’t like her or her music, which I was not prior to seeing this performance.

Note: The video is 8 1/2 minutes long. For those busy, impatient or not really interested, I suggest an abbreviated robot test, which may be less accurate if you don’t know how music bridges the gap of autism with this young beauty, then you can start at around 3:15 when the bio ends and the song begins.

MORE IMPORTANTLY: If you can spare a couple bucks for the charity, please do. I think the video shows what is possible when opportunities and tools for communication can be given to those with Autism: heart-break, inspiration and bliss. (There is a clicky linky button in the bottom left hand corner of the screen while the video plays.)



SPOILER:
Watch for the smile with adorable dimples when the girl hears the audience cheer her at the beginning of the song.
Now, I’m going off into the corner to sob for a little longer. Honestly, that girl has the voice of an angel that breaks my heart even as it makes it soar with inspiration. And hearing Katy’s voice break (a couple of times?) as she seemingly feels the meaning of every word of the song as she sings with, and to, Jodi as the young girl plays piano. And cynics, even if it is only a performance by that makes it appear that Katy is not a robot, with her full and believable commitment to that role, she deserves a frakkin’ Emmy. And that should also garner her going up at least one wee notch, don’tcha think?

Categories
Too Long For Twitter

Checking My Watch

It has been a long push to this election day. I think we can agree on that, across the aisles, right? Like many, I feel like I’m really running out of patience today and am fighting with myself to read updates from friends, family and followers. I won’t block or unfriend anyone for voicing their opinions that may or may not fall in line with mine, but I will continue light usage until at least after the weekend.

I am no politico but have my own, very strong opinions based on my lifetime of experience that, albeit, had minimal demand by my parents to follow their beliefs. We discussed issues, and while I usually knew their stance, I never felt any pressure to vote or believe exactly as they did. Another family I was close with, however, had extremely strong views and frequent debates. Over a decade or so of it, and I developed an extreme dislike for such discussions and typically retreat and wait patiently for the fun to resume. I respect their desire for the discussion and also respect myself by granting myself peace instead of digging into a potentially heated debate which will not change anyone’s mind (typically).

In addition to those experiences, there is all the research I’ve done over the years, along with all the other inputs that impact my beliefs. I feel no need to explain, debate, justify or change anyone to my political or religious beliefs. After all, one of the thing I love about our county is the non-conformity of its citizens. I find it extraordinary that people raised in very similar times and households as me can have completely opposite opinions and beliefs and I’m almost always open to learning.

Politics are different for everyone, and a highly charged issue for many, which is one of the reasons everyone (tell me if I’m wrong here) is taught that it, along with religion, are not to be brought up in polite/public conversations. Enter Facebook and Twitter, and I feel they have drastically changed the playing field for politics and interpersonal relationships.

I find this to be the first Presidential election where I believe the existence and ease of use and frequency of use have negatively impacted their user base. Family members, old friends and new friends all have a  pissed, and I’m just drained from all the negativity being slung around. The use of both social media sites has become as commonplace as Starbucks and Subway, especially in the podcasting crew I run with. There has been a huge increase in users of both, I unapologetically speculate, happening since the last election. Now there are  people in our workplaces and families and church and neighbors and all those ‘friends of friends’ you know are suddenly “Like”ing and ReTweeting their political beliefs where normally, it doesn’t come up. Particularly if you don’t know their politics.

I am finding a lot of Friends and Followeds have been very vocal about their support of Obama. Far more than Romney, from my general (almost) daily skimming. And everyone that posted about politics, candidates or the election issues is usually passionate on the subject. Am I surprised that Obama was elected? Not really, based on my recollection of the posts I read from easily over 300 people. While not scientific or even terribly useful beyond this post, there was foreshadowing in what I read. The wild card, the electoral college, is what makes election results pretty tough to speculate.

Luckily, most folks seem to be winding down their outrage at their candidate losing or at disappointment over the way “other Americans” are handling it. Now it’s just surviving post-election initial aftermath and we will hopefully move on as a country long before Inauguration Day, when our newly elected President takes office. Reportedly, even Wall Street puked in its mouth a little the morning after the election.

My point is this: I need this to be over. I am embarrassed to even have a Twitter account when election day news coverage reported that (paraphrased) “… it’s time to put the white back in The White House…” was a trending topic. Trending, FFS.

Here’s my proposal: I’ll give you the weekend to get it all out of your system, and get back to <insert appropriate sport>, cool links (Like this one! Yes, I’m slow on the draw but it’s so charming.), the cost of gasoline, your NaNoWriMo word count pride or angst? But, as Glob as my witness, if the vitriol continues, I’ll …

Oh, wait. That Freedom of Speech thing. Yeah, go ahead and speak America. Just remember that while you have the freedom to say (nearly) anything without fear of prosecution, there is no protection from your peers also voicing their opinions. In Facebook or otherwise. Maybe there’s still an option that blocks people from commenting,so maybe some folks should look into it when they post highly contentious items?

And, seriously, all you teens and twenty-somethings need to stop talking about how much weed you’ll smoke when you move to Colorado or Washington states. Have you still not figured out that your posts can be used against you? I’m seriously concerned about the number of Americans that think they have privacy protection on self-incriminating posts ANYWHERE on the web. I don’t care how tight your privacy settings are e in Facebook and Twitter, once it’s posted to one of those sites or any other, it’s searchable by employers, law enforcement, Exes, Futures and even your kids.

Finally, I need to give major props for the metric butt-ton of research done by my hubby, Chooch, in preparation of the election. I feel had a solid grasp on the issues up for election in my district. It’s easily the most consideration, discussion and research I’ve ever had before an election.

See? I understand the importance of this particular election, just not the demonstration of negativity, vitriol, passive aggressiveness and disrespect. I hope, as many others have expressed, that those elected will work together, regardless of party affiliation, to help heal the country.

*tick*tock*tick*tock*