Today, A Puscifist

I keep things on the bright side and assume the best of people I meet, regardless of their reputation. It often results in great times and greater friendships. But I’m also often mistaking people wanting something from me as being the beginning, or continuation, of a true friendship. I won’t let clown shoes change my attitude, zero bad apples will change my hope in humanity.

But today, I less than three Puscifer soooo hard for again making sense of my confusion (and hurt and misrepresentations of me and others, resulting in feelings of shame and guilt) and giving it a voice.

I have such a hard time giving up on people, no matter how shitty they treat me or lie or use passive aggression like a weapon, knowing that it cuts me deeper than most because of my neurological challenges.
Once in my heart, always in my heart, sadly.
But I’m working on it since it’s plain stupid and is keeping me depleted and unable to explore beneficial possibilities.

At the very least, I’m “untethering” from the ones that are detrimental to my health/stress.

So, things to remember with me…

…just because the lies or harsh words aren’t knives or bullets, they still cut deeply and/or can bleed for a long time;

…just because you didn’t say it to my face, it doesn’t mean I don’t know;

…just because I’ve kept your secrets so far, know that your treatment of me and mine can change that;

…just because I’ve taken the high road, it doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten how different our morals are;

…just because I stood by you in dark times, it doesn’t mean I will tolerate childish punishments for being a reminder of those same times;

…just because I’m above smacking your face, don’t mistake me for being weak.

#BeyondPainCranky #PainStabby #NotToday