Yesterday was rough. The last two weeks have been hard, but I was actually stuck out yesterday for awhile unable to drive home. My boys arrive home day after tomorrow and I’m trying to get things done so we can focus on each other while they’re here. So I went out with a migraine and some damn bug I picked up recently to run errands.
I ended up cat napping in my car after much difficulty at the last store. The pain, the fatigue, the dizziness just kind of overtook me. I called my neurologist while I was sitting there, completely broken down. I wasn’t crying, but I was desperate for some kind of relief from the pain. I knew this is the last kind of call that gets you pain killers that I likely need to knock them out, but that’s just how much pain I was in.
I just got a call that he’s prescribing two things for me, a new medicine to breakthrough the migraine pain when it strikes along with an anti-depressant. This is the third time he’s offered it to me, but I honestly don’t think I’m depressed. My husband and I have discussed it in the past and it doesn’t fit. My “mood” is actually pretty good, all things considered. Being exhausted from pain is not the same as not wanting to go on, in fact I’d say that I’m feeling the opposite. I’m ravenous to feel better so I can get back to daily walks and tri-weekly runs, work, studies and life.
And let’s not ignore the fact that the top side effects of the anti-depressant are dizziness, headaches, drowsiness and weakness along with some of the nastier side effects that I’m trying to end from the last meds. Now that I know what it is, I’ve got a call in to find out if there are known migraine relief benefits to the medication, but all I’m seeing online is depression and social anxiety disorder relief. Hey, I very likely have the latter, but have been managing it much better in recent months. I don’t need this damned list of side effects just for that.
So in the spirit of “It takes a village…” I’m asking my friends, my actual friends that have spent face to face time with me in recent months if you think I’m depressed. Maybe I am and we don’t see it. I don’t see Twitter as a good data source for this, I need real people, friends, to respond.
Tweets are lost to the stream too quickly, so are only a momentary help. I prefer you reply here or you can shoot me an email to VivMuse@gmail.com.
And thanks for taking the time to read my blog. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone, even though I typically feel like I’m shouting into the abyss.