Category: Dizzy

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Chooch Convention Attendance Cool Links / Clicky Linky Dizzy Friends Podcast Uncategorized

Balticon 44 Part 2 – Saturday

Saturday started rough for me, I was feeling pretty lousy and slept in past a breakfast as well as the first two of the three hours of the Master’s Audio Session with John Taylor Williams, Dan Sawyer and Arioch Morningstar that Chooch was moderating. I finally made it in for the last hour or so and found the conversation was waa-aaay over my head. I’m not surprised having missed the first two hours, but I loved seeing some of my favorite guys up there being all big-brained and what-not.

Afterward, we headed up to Heather’s room to meet with the cast of the Metamor City Live that was being recorded later in the day. There we found Heather, Marc Bailey, Kim Fortuner and Chris Lester running lines much to the amusement of Grailpup (Heather and Marc’s 13 month old son). He was fascinated as the reading went on, it was adorable.

We then returned to catch the rest of the New Media to Old panel with Phil Rossi, Bill DeSmedt, Nathan Lowell, Christiana Ellis and Brand Gamblin. The room was glistening with awesome, and I grabbed Bill for a signature and photo with Chooch. Bill DeSmedt is the author of Singularity, which is a fantastic novel dealing with intrigue, black holes and captivating characters. It’s tough to track down a copy as it’s out of print, but he has podcast it and his narration is fantastic! I met him last year, and while Chooch was a huge fan I had not listened yet. This year I went a bit fangirl because I loved it and his follow-up podcast explaining some of the more complex scientific concepts in Doctor Jack’s Soapbox Seminars.

Realizing we hadn’t eaten, we lucked into a trip to Baja Fresh with Christiana Ellis and Dave Slusher. These two peeps are the bee’s knees and while I did get some time with both of them, I left Balticon WANTING MORE! (Yes, I’m greedy.)

We hurried back to ensure that we would have seats for Jared Axelrod’s new podcast launch of “Fables of the Flying City”, and I’m so glad we did! I was really excited, because of not having been to a tea party of any sort since it involved a toy set and imaginary tea. Jared delivered a tea party that made up for that lapse. We were served tea of our choosing and dessert by a fabulously outfitted cast that included his wife J.R. Blackwell and friends Jennifer Rodgers and Russell Collins. Jennifer is an amazing artist, someone whose beautiful work I have followed and Russell is a brilliant composer. You may recall he wrote the “Aliens You Will Meet” theme and also the music for the new podcast of Jared’s. We were treated to a grand announcement of Jared’s publication in the fall of a graphic novel for the series he is now podcasting the prequel for.

At four p.m. was the NaNoWriMo for Noobs panel that I suggested. Chooch moderated for me again, as I was overtired and a bit nervous about taking the lead. We were joined by Mur Lafferty, P.G. Holyfield and Nathan Lowell. I had asked Zach Ricks to attend as I had wanted him on the panel but there was concern about the number of participants. I carefully chose for a balance of professional writers and non-writers, and those that had won or not won a NaNoWriMo challenge. In addition, nearly all on the panel had provided community sort in one way or another whether simply through Twitter support or via blog or podcast. I was thrilled to discover that Lee Budar-Danoff, a representatives from the Maryland NaNoWriMo group, had found the panel and joined us with some of her associates. They were able to provide more in-depth information about that and the Young Writer’s Program. Once the audio for this and the other panels I participated in is posted, I’ll link to it from my blog.

Our friend Pat, aka Fantastic Foe from our City of Heroes Podcast, invited us to a surprise birthday for his wife Lisa, so we headed to the Con Suite for the celebration. They very generously donated a huge cake for our new media party later that night. It was delicious and GREATLY appreciated! Happy Birthday to Lisa!

We then headed up for Chris Lester’s Metamor City Live reading, along with Chris, Heather Welliver, Philippa Ballantine, Gail Carriger (author of “Soulless” and “Changeless”), Dan Sawyer, Kim Fortuner, Marc “Grailwolf” Bailey. The story was brilliant and funny, and I was incredibly flattered to be included again this year. Luckily, my part was at the very beginning because I started feeling pretty damn sick about halfway through.

I faded pretty quickly, and hubby decided food would help so off we went to Noodle & Company. I’m a bit foggy on the details, but this may have been the trip that included Christiana, Rich and Susan along with a whole other crowd that was there when we arrived. I split off for a nap in the room, and ended up just resting and catching up with Patrick as he finally arrived and was getting ready for the book launch party.

Chooch and I then went to the book launch party for P.G. Holyfield, Patrick McLean and Nathan Lowell, but shortly thereafter Chooch went off to start grabbing gear for the concert at 9 pm.  I luckily got a seat even though I missed the first few minutes and was just in time to listen as they read from each others books. First, Nate read “The Vampire in My Attic” from Patrick’s book “Stories I Told Myself”. Then, P.G. read “The Old Dog” from the same book. Ironically, these were two of my favorites so I was tickled pink! Patrick then read a passage from Nate’s “Quarter Share” and Nate read a the first scene from P.G.’s “Murder at Avedon Hill”. It was absolutely riveting hearing these stories in the voices of the other authors. Each of them has a unique and masterful touch when narrating, and it was a real treat for all in the room. It seemed the authors felt the same way. Sadly, you will never hear this if you weren’t in the room, because they didn’t record the event.

After the book launch, it was FINALLY time to watch the Phil Rossi and the Awakening concert. Yes, I’m a fan of Phil’s music and would have attended either way, but Chooch had just joined the band and I was crazy excited to see my man play bass in a band for the first time. He was understandably feeling stress, as he had about a week and a half to learn all of the songs and because the concert was only the third time he had played with them. For some reason, the previous act went well into our time, so by the time they left the stage and the band was set up it was about half an hour late. Lookit, I admit that I’m biased, but I loved the music and thought they sounded great!

I was able to catch almost a half hour, but had to leave to start setting up for the new media party that Chooch and I were throwing. I was pretty pissed at the earlier band for taking so much time away from my enjoyment, but off I went with some of my Prom Committee members to set up. Many thanks to Bruce Press and Tim Dodge for breaking down the camcorder and bringing it to me at the party!

The folks that came and helped with the prom set-up were AMAZING. People had volunteered to help, and they really came and worked their asses off! There were so many that I thanked that night, but am afraid to list them here for fear of missing someone. I feel extremely grateful to have so many people that are willing to frantically pitch in to make the party a success, and we TRULY could not have done it without their help. In addition, about a week before the party after Chooch and I had sunk hundreds of dollars into it, we finally did as had been suggested and started a chip-in to help offset costs and to make sure we had food for everyone to enjoy. The huge amount of donations we received rejuvenated our efforts to make this the best possible party and off we went spending again! For the donors, you can look around the room and see the difference you made, and I thank you on behalf of the attendees as well as Chooch and myself!

The party was a success, and we crowned Dave Slusher as Prom King and Helen “Cynical Woman” Madden as Prom Queen as they came in first place in the costume contest. May their reign be long and geeky! There are MANY pictures from the prom in flickr from other folks, sadly I was too busy to take my camera out at all. My friend Dan Tabor of many cool things, including Geekadelphia, took these photos for me, before and during the party. Thanks again, Dan! But for the kindness of others, I wouldn’t even have a photo with Chooch in front of the Stargate portal that we quilted!

The party is pretty much a blur for me, other than having fantastic conversations with fascinating folks. I chatted for a good long time with Brad Smith from the Second Shift audio drama, and I knew he was my kind of people when he stopped talking mid-conversation to sing along with a Jonathan Coulton song that was playing.

As the party wound down, I again found myself blessed to have countless helpers assisting with the clean-up around 2 am. We donated the non-perishable items to the gamers next door, having already invited them to come through and eat what they like since we had so much food left over. Ensuring that the hotel staff would vacuum we were off to our own devices. Exhausted, but not ready for sleep yet because the adrenaline was still flowing we ended up laughing and chatting until the sun came up with a wild and fascinating variety of people. And yes, Phil Rossi treated those of us in the courtyard in the pre-dawn hours with a serenade with Starla Hutchton and Dan Sawyer singing along at times. We were all thrilled to discover that Dan Sawyer has the voice of an angel.

Favorite moments:
Brad Smith’s reaction to realizing I had just introduced him to the author of the Seanachai, Patrick McLean.
P.G.’s face during his book launch party. Happy P.G. was happy.
Mighty Mur Lafferty telling me that I am an author. (Still processing that.)
Seeing the joy on my husband’s face as he played bass.

Photos from Saturday only:

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Chooch Convention Attendance Dizzy Friends Podcast

Balticon 44 Part 1 – Thursday and Friday

*phew* That was quite a week. After returning from Balticon it’s been hectic with preparations for my nephew’s high school graduation (a whole year early!) and our oldest son’s 19th birthday party. I finally got photos edited and posted on Sunday and am finally able to do my post about Balticon itself. There are so many people and amazing moments that there is no way to capture them all, so am doing a few highlights from each extremely full and fabulous day. Also, I’m writing these as journal entries for myself so this will be lengthy, but I’ll break it up into a few posts for sanity’s sake.

THURSDAY
Hubby worked from home on Thursday, while I busily ran last minute party preparation and packing. He then delivered our goldie Kaylee to her beloved kennel. After loading up our car Tetris-style to get everything we needed, it was clear that our car would burst if we put even a wafer thin item in there.

Disappointed that we didn’t actually get on the road until 6 pm, we still found a way to enjoy the drive. I spent a good portion catching up with my dear friend Heather Welliver on the phone, and the rest doing some plotting and planning for the weekend. Have I mentioned that Chooch has a wicked sense of humor? We had an extra giggle as we both realized that the last push out the door had us both forget our wedding rings. We joked about being unwed for the weekend, but let’s be honest about the fact that no one else makes my heart go pitter-pat like my man.

We arrived in record time, luckily having missed rush hour and getting the jump on Memorial Day travel traffic. We roomed once again with P.G. Holyfield and Patrick McLean, as we had such a wonderful time with them at Dragon*Con. Both Patricks are brilliant writers, so go buy their books immediately.

P.G. was kind enough to set down his drink and help us unload the car, and I ran to Greg and Carrie’s room to stash some party treats in their fridge. I was thrilled at this, because they have just had a daughter that I had yet to meet. I practically raced down the hall to see Carrie and babe, and was blown away by their beauty. I nommed baby toes and hugged on mama as we chatted and caught up. For you Apple fanboys, it was also my first sighting of an iPad in the wild.

I grabbed Chooch and P.G. for a visit with Carrie and the baby. That little beauty can throw down some fierce Kyoot Aggro so we spent some time there cooing over her before making it to the bar.

Ah, the bar. The drinks are subpar and overpriced, but this is the natural gathering place as people arrive. The sea of awesome is a blur, so I won’t try and name everyone I saw there as we hugged and got caught up with each other. Since most folks arrive on Friday it wasn’t a full-on glompfest as would be seen the next day. As the night progressed, we grabbed Christiana Ellis and headed back to our room for some Pandemic. To say we had a good time time would be a tremendous understatement as we encountered drinks, viral doom and spiders. We saved the world and headed to bed around 5 or 6 a.m. When it’s that late, specifics don’t really matter, do they?

Out Of Context Theater:
“Backgammon porn” – I believe Doc Coleman said this at the bar?
“It’s gonna eat me!” – Viv, after a spider sighting.
“Somebody give me a bikini so I can flip Viv off!” – P.G. while playing Pandemic

Twitter thread that amuses me:

Christiana – I have cured red and black. @vividmuse @choochus and @pgholyfield haven’t cured shit.
P.G. – @christianaellis I may not have cured anything, but I made you spit tostitos across the room.
Christiana – @PGHolyfield And onto your leg. I was TRYING to share! Ingrate.

I, of course, was giggling uncontrollably and contributed nothing.

I spoiled My Inner Child by…
…putting together a Tinkerbell puzzle with Elf Princess. She is delightful and sweet, and I love our playtime together.

Friday
Having no panels or any other need to get up early, we slept in. We grabbed food and headed out to get some last minute party supplies, since we figured Saturday would be crazy. In spite of rushing around, we sadly missed Chris Lester’s reading, but made it just in time for the 5:00 pm panels. The first of many difficult choices had to be made, as Mur Lafferty and P.G. Holyfield both had readings at the same time. We ended up splitting, with each of us going to one knowing that they would be recorded but still wishing we could be at both. P.G. did a reading from Murder at Avedon Hill, his recent release published from Dragon Moon Press. He ended it early to go to Mur’s, but by the time I got in there it had ended.

I got to spend some time very briefly with M.A. in PA and her new podcast partner Sara. As was true during previous Balticon weekends, I didn’t see much of M.A. and this year I saw even less of her. Luckily, we’ve had the opportunity to visit with each other previously this year, but it was something I definitely missed.

We grabbed dinner at Noodle & Company with P.G., Jett, Carrie, Greg and Baby and had a wonderful time as we chatted and gazed at the beautiful baby. Back to the hotel in time for Chooch’s Being a Parent in the World of New Media and Social Networking panel and while the conversation veered off topic a few times it was enjoyable nonetheless.

Chooch and I split up after that, as he attended Thomas “cmdln” Gideon’s FLOSS and Tech Geek BOF while I went to the scheduled J.R. Blackwell Reading. As had been hinted, Dr. Mercury made an appearance in J.R.’s place, and provided delicious entertainment. First an explanation of who she is, and then readings of exploits. Later, she kidnapped Mur Lafferty and forced her (against her will, naturally) to do readings including one from the collaboration between J.R. and Mur titled Her Side. It was one of the high points of the weekend for me, in that J.R. completely immersed herself in the Dr. Mercury persona to the delight of the entire audience. I had actually intended on slipping out a few minutes early to prepare for our show at 11 pm, but was unable to tear myself away until after Dr. Mercury exited.

We had invited our friends Christiana Ellis, cmdln and P.G. Holyfield to our Into The Blender Live recording to discuss movies, and I can’t speak for anyone else but I greatly enjoyed our chat. I was going to moderate the discussion, but passed my notes to Chooch when I started feeling under the weather. I could feel … it’s hard to explain what it feels like, but almost a jittery twitch in my jaw when the stutter is starting up. I also felt a little disoriented, but after I sat back and took a break from the conversation I felt a bit better. Chooch knew this was possible and took over, so I’m hoping it wasn’t obvious. We had a great crowd, many familiar faces and some new ones which is always a pleasant surprise. The audience participation was fantastic, which we had worried about with our family-friendly show at 11:00 pm.

Afterward, we hung some signs announcing our “Geek Prom” new media party that Jett Micheyl kindly made for us along with Thomas. We ended up in the bar since there were so many more folks that had just arrived that day. I met folks I only knew from Twitter, and glomped many friends that I rarely get to see. FYI, Chris Lester gives AMAZING hugs.

We closed the bar and finally made our way to our room with some friends including Susan, Rich, and Dave Slusher. I think Chooch and I got to sleep around 3 in the morning. That was our only early night, and it was tough to pull away from them but forced ourselves because Chooch had an early panel and I was fearful of not getting enough rest and being even more sick the next day. It was especially tough because I don’t get to see P.G., Rich and Susan NEARLY as much as I would like. And Dave Slusher is someone that I met VERY briefly at last Balticon, spent a bit more time with at Dragon*Con and finally got to really chat with him during this weekend. He is a fantastic and dynamic person, with a truly generous and nurturing spirit.

Out Of Context Theater:
From me: From @pgholyfield: “I’ll pull it out at the reading.” *
“It’s the wood that I like” -Keetara

*He was talking about untucking his shirt, but I thought he’d get more attendees if I left that fact out. On a related note, his reading was packed. 😉

My Balticon flickr stream is viewable below and includes photos from the entire weekend.

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Dizzy Health Work

Health Update

Last Tuesday’s follow-up with my neurologist went as well as could be expected. Due to the lack of improvement, he is upping the dosage of my daily migraine prevention medication. Because of some tingling and numbness in one of my hands, he is also performing nerve testing to see if I have carpal tunnel issues. If I do not have carpal tunnel and the tingling and numbness continue or worsen, he will switch my daily medication as that would be the likely culprit. This is a much less acute issue than when I was on the first daily migraine medication, which resulted in numbness and tingling/burning sensation in my feet. It was painful and maddening, and resulted in the switch to my current medication.

I am to continue the vestibular rehabilitation for one more month to learn more exercises, and continue maintenance at home. He doesn’t see a point in me going once a week when it is something I can continue on my own at home. I don’t disagree, since I am doing one session there and 10 – 13 a week on my own at home.

As a side note, my very favorite physical therapy assistant has left the practice for a better position elsewhere. Not only had we bonded on a personal level, but as a fellow sufferer she had great insight into what her struggle has been nine years after diagnosis. It provided a realistic view, and although I’m sure my journey will differ I greatly appreciate the information she shared, and how she copes with the ups and downs. Everyone there is perfectly wonderful, but she was my favorite and I’ll miss our weekly chat sessions during therapy.

Since we are now at over six months since this occurred, Chooch and I are having some discussions regarding long term plans since it doesn’t appear that there is going to be any “quick cure”, quick being a relative term. We haven’t made any decisions, but it’s been made clear that my employment is safe for only a brief time longer. If I can’t return before then, they understandably have to release me and fill the position. I also don’t want to delay them from filling the position if it appears I’m not returning. No grudge or sour grapes, as they have been exceedingly generous with me.

I held this post because I didn’t want to play the weak and fragile card over the weekend. My goal was to answer questions if anyone asked, but to try not and let it take over my weekend symptom or conversation-wise. That said, I am extremely grateful for the care and concern shown to me. It’s hard not to feel appreciated and valued in such a caring and supportive community.

I’ll be posting photos along with a post about my spectacular experience at Balticon later this week.

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5k Breast Cancer Breast Health Dizzy Friends Health

Sleep In For The Cure / +1 to Awesome People Tally / Earth Day

I finally decided against trying to walk the 5k in the Richmond Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. Having done the race in past years, I know that I’m screwed if something happens because there’s no easy way to get assistance back to the car.

I’m instead doing the stay at home version, and raising donations in my Mother’s name. If you would like to make a tax deductible contribution, please contact me at vivmuse@gmail.com and I’ll send you the link to the donation site.

My goal is $500 dollars, which I’ve exceeded in previous years. I’m hoping that even in this cash-strapped year that I’ll be able to meet my goal.

Also, if you know Greg and/or Carrie Seidman, please take a moment to pray, reflect, or whatever you are comfortable with today as they are at the hospital for the delivery of their first child. I know I’m sending my blessings for a safe and swift delivery and the health of the baby and mother.  This will be one cool kid if her parents are any indication of what she’ll be like.

Happy Earth Day, all! Show your Mother some love today. Whether familial or planetary, she’s the only one you’ve got.

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Chooch Dizzy Exercise Health

To 5k Or Not To 5k. That Is The Question.

The vestibular rehabilitation (physical therapy for people with vestibular migraines) started the end of March, and the protocol is meant to desensitize my body to the dizziness/migraines by triggering the strongest possible symptoms and essentially acclimating myself to them. It will allow me to move around the world in a normal fashion. I hold out great hopes, since this and the medication appear to be my only options for treatment. So far, the exercises are effective in making me extremely dizzy, to the point of being nauseous and migraine-y afterward. So yay, I’m doing it right!

Sadly, after three weeks I’m not seeing much of a difference in the dizziness frequency, intensity or duration. Talking with the physical therapist on Monday, I was able to say that migraines are slightly lessened in frequency in the last week. Realistically, I’ve seen that fluctuate before and am cautiously optimistic at best. I return to the neurologist on Monday to discuss progress and possible changes to treatment.

My favorite part is that I’m moving again, and I’ve missed that more than I can express. My favorite medical related experience since this started was the cardiac treadmill stress test, where I had to work my way up to a steady run with three medical technicians mere feet from me in case I lost my balance. I was in a safe environment to run, and I ran my ass off to sheer exhilaration. It was invigorating, even though I was extremely sick the rest of the day.

Up until the vestibular migraines hit, I was training for the Thanksgiving 5k race, and was up to running for 20 minute spans without slowing my pace. I am very far from this now, but will get there again. I have to. I’ve started going with Chooch on his morning walks with Kaylee, and love it to pieces. Yes, I’m extremely dizzy after the short 1.5 or so mile walk. But I’m MOVING. And I feel safe because he’s right there with me.  I’ve taken one neighborhood walk by myself, and it was a bit longer. I don’t know if I’ll do that again until the dizziness is under better control, as I was very anxious that something would happen. And anxiety makes my symptoms much worse. See the conundrum?

I also love the walks because it’s just us. No twitter, no phone calls, no computer, and only Kaylee to distract us. *Squirrel!* Whether we talk or not, I just love it. We already do a lot together, which is normal because he’s my best friend, but I truly treasure this time with him.

I would love to be able to do my 5k route in the hopes of being able to do the upcoming Race for the Cure, but that would mean getting up even earlier since we walk before he goes to work. We haven’t registered for it yet since I’m so wobbly and never know from one day to the next what I’m physically capable of. We’ve participated in the Richmond race for the last 2 years, and I did countless races in DC in previous years (always as a walker). I really hate to miss it this year, especially since I know two people that are currently fighting for their lives from this horrific and demoralizing disease. It already took my Mother, Grandmother and Great Grandmother and I take it as a personal challenge to walk for all of them.

On a related note, a very dear friend today was saying that as bad as things are for him, he’s glad he doesn’t have to deal with my medical issues. I on the other hand, thank God every day that I’m not fighting for my life. I’ll take the diagnosis I was given GLADLY and with great gratitude.

I’m putting the decision on the race on hold until the weekend, when we will hopefully walk the distance to see how I do. *fingers crossed*

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Chooch Dizzy Friends Health Weight Loss

Working Hard to Lose Big

I was reading a post by my dear friend Jett and couldn’t help but notice how we are in similar situations. She’s struggling with weight loss, as am I. More importantly, the lack of quick results is affecting our efforts and has us both speculating on how to turn things around.

About a decade ago, I was at my highest weight, around 255. I lost down to 180 or so, but then due to life changes (illness of son, comfort of marriage, illness and passing of my mother) I gained about 30 pounds of that back. Major bummer.

I kicked off a new weight loss program in January of 2008, and slowly watched my weight go down 50 pounds. I had great success using a one-two punch of South Beach and lots of exercise, but also sabotaged myself with holidays,  celebrations and stressful situations. After working extremely hard over the summer, to include training for running an entire 5k for the first time in my life, I was only about 12 pounds from my initial goal weight. I was also at the physical peak of my life when the health issue I’m dealing with hit at the end of October 2009. I went from 4 or 5 days a week at the track or in the gym, I was couch-bound. Before my diagnosis a few weeks ago, I’ve tried several times to exercise to disastrous results. My symptoms increased to a painful level and I would give up again.

I’m now pushing myself to walk every morning with Chooch and Kaylee, as I only feel comfortable doing so when he’s with me. I know if symptoms hit, I’m in the best possible hands. After the dizziness from that subsides, I do my shiny new exercises for my vestibular rehabilitation. I have insane dizziness after that. For instance, today I only felt human again after about 3 pm after finishing the exercises around 10 am and taking a nap afterward. Hopefully, this will fade but I will continue doing the second session right before bedtime since it effects me so strongly. I’m very hopeful that the walking on top of the exercise will also help me in my efforts to get my ass back to work faster!

The end result is that I’m moving again, and this brings me great joy in spite of the after effects. The other change I’m making is allowing myself more fruit, vegetables and whole grains than are allowed on Phase One of South Beach. I never intended to spend this much time on Phase One, and it’s not healthy for me long term. With heart disease on one side of the family and breast cancer on the other, I’m fully aware of the importance of high fiber diets. The foods I’ve added back in this week include carrots, bananas, apples, grapes and pineapple. Also, two high fiber/low glycemic index whole grain servings per day. I’m in heaven, as it feels so decadent to indulge in these on a daily basis.

The initial impact is that my weight is up a couple pounds, but I’m not surprised due to the increase in natural sugars and whole grain carbs along with slightly increased muscle mass. I’m not going to beat myself up, I’m just going to enjoy my sinfully sweet fresh pineapple slices and hope it all shakes out in the end.

I have full faith in both Jett and myself, and know that once we figure out what works for our individual cases we will kick ass and reach our goals.

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Chooch Dizzy

Week one on the new dosage. Meh.

I started the increased daily migraine medication dosage on Sunday, and am really feeling the difference in an increase in the frequency and duration of the dizzy spells. My hope is that this is my body adjusting to the increase from 10 to 25 mg of the migraine medication. Happily, the breakthrough migraine meds do actually seem to help with acute migraine pain, even though I’m only taking a half dose. Chooch and I thought this would be a good start since I find myself to be pretty damned sensitive to the effects of the medication. What can I say, I’m a cheap date.

I felt great on Thursday morning, so got behind the wheel for the first time to run errands. I was fine for the first hour or two, but then fatigue and headache kicked in and after only three hours I was back at home napping due to extreme dizziness and nausea. I’m still waiting to get my groove back from yesterday’s adventure.

I’m looking forward to Tuesday, which is my first session of vestibular rehab (physical therapy for really dizzy frakkers like myself). I’m really hoping they can help me, because I’m about to lose my mind. Silly me, I thought I’d feel better after diagnosis and treatment started. You may know that one of my core beliefs (and personality flaws) include the movie quote “Instant gratification takes too long” from the movie “Postcards from the Edge”.

Now I’m dealing with seasonal allergy flare-up or cold or cooties or something, and I think by itself it would be okay. In combination with everything else, I end up being a party pooper yet again. I’m tired of being the wet blanket, period. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to get some work done on my new project. It’s kind of tough when I feel this depleted when I need to feel brave and confident in my vision.

Since I’ve been warned about stress taking a physical toll on me at this point, I’m struggling with keeping negativity away even more than ever before. I can feel a tangible uptick in my symptoms when something upsets me, so it’s no longer just a goal to be more positive and avoid negativity. It’s now a necessity, and so my efforts begin in earnest.

My goal is to feel stabilized on the medication so I can drive myself to and from the physical therapist on Tuesday so hubby doesn’t have to miss more work. I know things can always be worse, so I’m counting my Blessings and staying hopeful. Baby steps, yo.

Categories
Chooch Dizzy Health

The Diagnosis

I had an appointment with my neurologist yesterday, and am glad Chooch was again there to catch the details since I was violently pissed that the cardiologist didn’t follow up with me OR send the last results over. I have doubts about this final diagnosis until the neurologist can consult with the cardiologist, but based on the other results he had he is extremely confident that he knew what was wrong with me.

He has diagnosed me with two things: neurocardiogenic syncope and vestibular migraines. The former is because I fainted twice on occasions many years ago and then again during the tilt table test. This simply means that under EXTREME conditions, I may faint. Because I have not had any fainting nor feelings of faintness in years, except for very briefly immediately following Nat’s memorial service, this is not a concern a true concern at this time.  Rather, it is something to be vigilantly aware of in order to prevent it.

The diagnosis relevant to my current health issues is vestibular migraines, which is actually a catch-all diagnosis for people like me that have run the diagnostic gamut with these symptoms and everything has turned out normal. It’s disappointing to have a diagnosis by default, because it means I will likely never have full faith in it. That said, the fact that I’m in otherwise good health is a tremendous relief.

One of the things taken off the table was the possibility of needing a pacemaker, and while I’m in awe of the technology I do NOT want to be in the position of relying on a machine surgically inserted into my chest to keep my heart beating at a regular beat.  I hadn’t mentioned this beyond three people because I was so terrified of the possibility, and at that point it was speculative talk by the cardiologist and neurologist.

For treatment, the doc increased the dosage of the migraine medication I’ve been on since January. I’ve had no negative side effects like with the first prescription, and seem to have had a slight lessening in frequency and/or duration of most symptoms. He also prescribed new break-through migraine medication and four weeks of vestibular rehabilitation, which is essentially physical therapy for dizzy frakkers like myself. On first pass through google, it looks like, among other things, I’ll be learning out to walk with an exaggerated hip sway and with my eyes down. I’m very excited to start, because I really want to resume life, whatever that may mean.

He’s also lifted the driving ban since the recent tests cleared out seizures or loss of consciousness as concerns. I have to take great care, as I did before the ban, to only drive when I’m feeling 100% and have taken the necessary precautions to hopefully prevent an episode while driving. I don’t need the lecture on taking caution, I had driven less than a half dozen times in the previous two months based on how I was feeling. I’m nothing if not terrified of car accidents, so will tread carefully here.

Many thanks for all of the concern, I am humbled by the number of people that have reached out to me over the months in support and camaraderie. I am truly blessed, and I know it.

April of 2003 at a tulip festival in Oregon

I’m off to fix a birthday breakfast for my husband. No one has ever been as supportive of all my craziness, and has inspired me to be stronger and more brave than I ever thought possible.  He is the most patient, kind and loving man I’ve ever met and deserves all the spoiling I can muster.

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Chooch Dizzy

Suck it up, Cupcake.

Tomorrow I mail back the heart monitor. In spite of having five days off from it due to equipment malfunction, I’m barely keeping my sanity with this thing. It’s the constant feeling of being tethered that’s getting to me. I wake up in the middle of the night with it poking or itching or whatever and I have to fight the urge to throw it across the room. The pads themselves are itchy and tearing up my skin. The sound of the recording causes my headaches to spike.

Add to that the loneliness and feelings of being trapped due to being stuck at home and unable to drive, not to mention just feeling like spinny crap all the time. I know I’ve got many blessings in my life, and I’m extremely grateful for each one. I’m just really struggling to get through this part to find the solution and get my ass moving again. I’m jealous in a most evil fashion of those that are continuing with their health regimen as I struggle with losing the 20 pounds I’ve gained since this started. And worst of all, I desperately miss our three sons. When M and LT moved out, I had work to keep my attention away from the huge void. Now I’m just knocking around this house that’s too big thinking about them and J, and missing them so badly that I can’t allow myself to think about it. J lives with his mom on the West Coast and I should be used to missing him, but with M and LT gone now too it’s more acute.

If you know me, then you know that I try really *really* hard to stay positive. I know it makes a difference. I’m just desperate to move on to the treatment phase. I completely broke down after the January appointment when they said they still didn’t have a final diagnosis. I don’t know what I’ll do if they say it again. The isolation truly sucks, and luckily I have the phone, internet, I get to see friends (occasionally) and my family (less frequently). I know it could be worse, but I still wish it were just a little bit better.

I think it’s the NEEDINESS that is really getting to me. We’re in the middle of repairing / painting our bathroom and I need to go to Lowe’s. I need to go to the grocery store. I need to go to Costco. Kaylee has a vet appointment. I can’t do any of these things to allow my husband to rest after a really long week of hard work. Nope, instead he has to get up early and take me all these places because I still can’t drive due to the doctor banning me.

I didn’t mean this to be the whiny post it’s turned in to, but with the cooties I picked up at Farpoint it’s made for a very rough week. I can’t even drive myself to the damn doctor. Three different family members live less than a half hour away but I don’t like to ask my family for anything. Now when I’m feeling low enough to actually ask for help I can’t — don’t want to risk them catching whatever bug I picked up.

Our friends were going to visit this weekend and they had to cancel. The gaming party we were invited to? Canceled. All this cleared the way for us to be able to attend a friend’s birthday party, and I’m afraid to go and infect others.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. I’m not looking for pity or anything like that. I just needed to vent, and people shout into the abyss about this stuff, right? It’s actually pretty self-indulgent, as I got to spend copious amounts of time with friends just last weekend. I guess I got used to being around people again.

Going to shake off the blues and get over it. It’s been a rough winter all around, and I’ve just got to stay focused on the good things. After all, tomorrow I lose my leash and I get two days with my honey! Now if I can just keep from driving him crazy…

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Chooch Convention Attendance Dizzy Knitting Podcast Twitter/Facebook

Farpoint 2010

Chooch and I treated each other to Farpoint attendance this year as our Valentine’s Day gifts. Yes, it was waaaaay more than we normally spend for this corporate holiday, but due to the double blizzard whammy and extreme cabin fever we couldn’t resist the lure of friends and stars all gathered together into one big awesome pile of humanity.

Our last minute issue was whether or not the replacement wires for my heart monitor would arrive on Friday so we could leave early on Saturday to get our money’s worth out of the con. It’s not a cheap one at a door price of $75 for the weekend, plus the sharing of room costs with our dear friend Thomas, aka The Command Line. The package arrived on Friday, Hooray for Baldrick! *ahem* Sorry, Chooch has been playing his dvd set “The Black Adder” as our new lullaby as a break from “Seinfeld”.

We got there, and immediately walked right into our friends and luckily in time for Command Line’s panel which included some other friends, Marc Bailey (aka Grailwolf), Nobilis, and Paul Fischer. I was sad that his amazing wife and daughter could not attend due to illness but glad for the time with Paul. My bestie, M.A. in PA, and her hubby Dan Tabor arrived during the panel. It was also attended by our besties Heather Welliver and Grailpup, who are Marc Bailey’s wife and son (for those unfortunate enough not to know who they are).

We attended the Q&A discussion by Felicia Day, and she was as charming and adorable as ever. I had a question I wanted to ask her, but was having some of my health issues and decided against it as I didn’t want to end up stuttering and stumbling while speaking. There were many fantastic questions, and she was extremely entertaining. More later on this fey creature.

Dinner at Bertucci’s with Command Line, MAinPA, Dan, Chooch and myself and we were later joined by Paul Fischer. It was a delightful meal, primarily because of the company. Yes, the food was good but the conversations we have would make any meal enjoyable.

We attended the Masquerade, which was a first for Chooch and I at any con. We intended on staying only for the beginning, which our friends (Fantastic Foe, aka @patman23 on Twitter along with his beautiful wife Lisa and their endearing daughter ‘G’) would be in but ended up staying through a good portion simply because the costumes were so amazing! Our friends were actually there during the entire Masquerade, serving as The Ninjas that were assisting the participants with getting off stage and they even did an adorable but brief performance when they were introduced! They were fantastic and I’m really glad they lured us there with their presence. We left the Masquerade to take some pix of our friends and ended up wandering a bit and making our way back down to the Masquerade in time to see the most exciting auction of the night!

While waiting for the judges to determine the winners, an auction was held to raise funds for Vietnam Veterans of America. The previous two years had earned $3,000 each and the auctioneer was hoping to match or beat that. The real excitement came during the bidding for the coveted ‘Lunch with Felicia Day’ which had a proxy bid was $300.  As Thomas, Chooch and I watched in amazement the bidding continued and finally was won at $5,000! It was amazing to see, especially as Ms. Day was obviously blown away by the amounts being bid for, as she reminded the bidders, ‘just lunch’. She was blushing adorably, but occasionally vamped a bit in an effort to raise the bidding. The gentleman that won the auction was the subject of tweets and conversation for the rest of the weekend. Well done for a wonderful cause!

Afterward, Chooch, Thomas and I luckily were unable to find seating at the hotel bar. I say luckily, because we headed into the dining room instead and ran into a table filled with hawesome (Grailwolf, Heather, Grailpup, Laura Burns, John Cmar and Helen Madden) and joined them. We ended up staying for several hours having a raucous good time. We even experienced the debut of The Green Boner, much to our horror. Laura showed me some of her favorite knitting sites and books, which was a boon for this knitting noob! When actor Lee Arenberg walked through the restaurant we made eye contact and he said hello. He’s officially now my homeboy, right?!?  A few drinks and countless giggles later we split off and headed back to our hotel for an exciting adventure in parking in a snow-filled lot.

Next day found us at breakfast at the hotel restaurant, and I was anxious to get in line for the Felicia Day signing opportunity. When we met her, I was able to ask my question about resources for fun/funky/geeky knitting projects but having put her on the spot she was unable to think of any. It was otherwise a wonderful chat, and we were able to get a better picture with her than we got at Dragon*Con.  As we talked, she said she remembered our conversation back then so am assuming that we are now BFF’s.  I’m relieved to report that I didn’t embarrass myself as much as I did at D*C, when I ‘fangirled’ all over the place. Lookit, I’m growing! We also got a copy of Season 2 of The Guild signed, but there were no copies of Season 3 available yet, sadly.

We visited the Dealer Room, and made some purchases. I was thrilled to discover cartoonist Kevin Bolk and his hilarious comics “Watchbabies” (if the Watchmen were babies), “I’m My Own Mascot”, and “Wookie-Ookies” (Star Wars done with babies). All are creative, intelligent and beautifully done so I bought those items and Mr. Bolk was kind enough to sign them for us. I love finding unexpected new things such as this, and it made the trip through the Dealer Room well worth the time invested.

We later lined up to meet Lee Arenberg. He was delightful and it was a real pleasure to chat with him. We talked about all manner of topics, and he was charming and a truly fun guy! I was sad later when I realized that I forgot to mention our BFF moment in the restaurant the night before. He even gave me his email address to send him a link to our podcast, due to his interest in the topic of blended families. Score!

Our other sightings included Mira Furlan and Sam Witwer. I didn’t recognize the latter when he got on and then off our elevator and then got back off when he realized when we were going up rather than down. He only registered as being ‘teh cexce’ to me at that time, which he definitely is! Ms. Furlan was also there and while I spotted her several times, I didn’t get to meet her.

We caught the tail end of Command Line’s panel Copyright or Copywrong with Steve Wilson and Marc Okrand. I wish we could have met them as well, but they both bolted off in different directions after the panel. We grabbed Thomas, M.A., and Dan and headed out for a tasty lunch at Baja Fresh and returned in time for Dan’s interview with Ms. Day for his wonderfully written blog series on Geekadelphia. I cannot wait to read it, as he was very happy with the interview itself! Dan the Fan? Piffle. Dan the MAN!

Many enjoyable hours in the atrium were spent with friends between panels, events and meals. Laura brought in her case of packed full of BPAL and her knitting and I was very envious of both. Later I got another quick knitting lesson from M.A., this time on purling. Turns out my previous attempts were correct, but I needed M.A. to guide me through it anyways.  All the time spent with friends between other events truly made the weekend even more special. We returned home exhausted but exhilarated with our filled heart containers.